Before You Gripe About the Return of Dickie V…

The game is blacked out from ESPN in North Carolina. The regional coverage is on Raycom/LF sports. Which means that if you live in local viewer market and aren’t in the Dean Dome, you’re stuck with…

Vodpod videos no longer available. from tarheelmaniac.vodpod posted with vodpod

 

 So just be glad you won’t have to listen to Billy Packer. Yet.

College Basketball is Finally Upon Us

Two of my favorite events have made an official return this week. The first is Man vs. Wild…

…and the other is college basketball.

Photo courtesy of the greatest photoshop thread in history.

It finally dawned on me when Marco of Storming the Floor (formerly of Just Call Me Juice) asked me to write a team preview for North Carolina. As you are well aware, I never turn down the opportunity to spread the gospel of the Tar Heels, so I accepted the offer to write there, as well as an article before Wednesday’s UNC opener vs. Davidson for the folks at We Rite Goode. After another football season, I will enjoy seeing my alma mater at #1. But even more than that, I will enjoy the ability to make fun of Duke anew. Yes, college basketball is coming, and I can’t wait.

Super Awesome Team Previews: #1 North Carolina

 

Games To Watch: College Football Week 6

#5 Wisconsin at Illinois (12:00 ET, ESPN): Despite being the #5 team in the land, the Badgers haven’t looked very impressive this year, and they’re the Vegas underdogs against Zook and the Illini. Can Wisconsin prove their skeptics wrong?

Kansas at #24 Kansas State (12:00 ET, FSN): It’s the Battle for the Governor’s Cup (aka the Sunflower Showdown), and for the first time in recent memory, both teams are good heading into this matchup. It’s “GET IN MY BELLY!”…

…versus the Power Towels. Who ya got?

Miami at North Carolina (12:00 ET, ESPN2): UNC comes home after a road trip against two ranked opponents, and the next two home game’s aren’t any easier. But the Hurricanes didn’t look too impressive against Duke, and UNC pulled the miracle upset against a top 5 Miami team the last time they came to Chapel Hill. A  s always, the live blog is at Tar Heel Mania.

#10 Oklahoma vs. #19 Texas (3:30 ET, ABC): One week ago this might have been the week’s premier game, between two top 10, undefeated conference opponents in one of the nation’s biggest rivalry. Unfortunately for them, Kansas State and Colorado spoiled that party. Well, at least there’s always the artery-clogging experience that is the Texas State Fair. Seriously, they found a way to fry soft drinks!

#12 Georgia at Tennessee (3:30 ET, CBS): Without a successful season, Phil Fulmer could be in serious trouble in Knoxville. In the way of a win today is the Bulldogs, who are a staggering 23-3 on the road in SEC play under Mark Richt.

#15 Virginia Tech at #22 Clemson (6:00 ET, ESPN): Past history says that this is the kind of game that Clemson will lose. Can Tommy Bowden’s team change the status quo against the Hokies’ tough defense?

#4 Ohio State at #23 Purdue (8:00 ET, ABC): Both teams are undefeated, but neither have really been challenged this season. Now is the time for them to prove whether or not they are true contender.

#20 Cincinatti at #21 Rutgers (8:00 ET, ESPN2): Of all the BCS teams in the top 25, the Bearcats probably have to be the biggest surprise. At 5-0, they face a Rutgers team reeling from a loss to Maryland last week, and looking for revenge after Cincy dashed their conference title hopes last year.

#8 Florida at #1 LSU (8:00 ET, CBS): The big matchup of the week, possibly the entire year. Even though Florida lost to Auburn last week, they’re right back in the title hunt with a win in Death Valley. But can anyone beat the Tigers right now?

Needless to say, today will be a great day in college football.

Games To Watch: College Football Week 4

• UNC at #23 USF (12 ET, ESPN): I’ll be live-blogging this game over at Tar Heel Mania. This game features two of the NCAA’s best underclassman Quarterbacks, UNC’s T.J. Yates and USF’s Matt Grothe.

• #3 Florida at Ole Miss (12:30 ET): You might think that Florida will blow away the Rebels, but Ed Orgeron has the perfect game plan this week.

• #12 South Carolina at #2 LSU (3:30 ET, CBS): Steve Spurrier. Les Miles. Hilarity, and great football, shall ensue.

• #10 Penn State at Michigan (3:30 ET, ABC): For the Wolverines, the real season is about to begin. They’ve got a chip on their shoulder, and the Nittany Lions haven’t played anyone. But I have a question for Michigan: What kind of freaky stuff between the sheets do you have to do with NCAA President Myles Brand to play your first four games at home and eight home games in a season?

• #21 Kentucky at Arkansas (6 ET, ESPN2): For Arkansas, they’re in desperate need for a marquee win after their offseason turmoil. For Kentucky…holy crap, Kentucky is ranked?

• #22 Georgia at #16 Alabama (7:45 ET, ESPN): Sabanism is spreading! Run for your liiiiiiiives!
  

 

Get Ready For Football, With The Decleater!

The college football season is finally upon us. The long sports winter has finally come to an end! The mere prospect of real, meaningful football has gotten me excited for the past week. This past Tuesday, the first day of school at UNC, I had not taken twenty steps onto campus before saying “hey” to Joe Dailey (what I should have said was “interception!”). I then headed straight for Kenan Stadium, one of the best college stadiums in America (to watch a football game? not so much lately…but that will change soon enough).

Looking onto the field began the synapses in my head, and my mind began racing with anticipation of this Saturday. Still, I think we all need a real adrenaline rush to get us pumped up before the college football season. So this post is dedicated to the single greatest play in all of football: the decleater. A hit so hard that it knocks your opponent clean off his feet.

YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Why is it this game’s greatest play? Because it works on so many levels. The mere hit acts as a simple but effective means of physical intimidation on your opponent for the rest of the game. When a receiver gets knocked to the turf by a safety, he’s going to think twice about running a route in the middle of the field. When a defender is decleated on a huge block, he knows to keep his head on a swivel for the rest of the game. When a running back runs you over, it could ruin you psychologically for an entire season. And when the home team delivers a big decleater, everyone watching the game notices, jumps out of their seats, and cheers their lungs out. It can be the ultimate home field advantage.

Not a single play in football, not even a touchdown, is more motivating than a bone-crushing hit. Before we begin the season anew, we must pay homage. And what better way to do that than a huge supply of YouTube decleaters?

We’ll start with some big defensive hits:

What’s better that a decleating hit on defense? A bone-crushing block on offense!

This one is special because it’s a quarterback who make the huge block, and he drills two guys:

The best decleaters, however, have to be the ones delivered by running backs on unsuspecting defensive backs. And in college, few were better at it than Florida State’s Greg Jones.

This final hit I was (un?)fortunate enough to see live, in Kenan Stadium. It was the first game of the 2003 season, August 30th. The last time my Tar Heels met the Seminoles in Chapel Hill, we destroyed them 41-9 for Bunting’s first career win en route to a six-game winning streak and an 8-5 record in 2001, including a Peach Bowl victory over Auburn. After that the last of Mack’s recruits left, and the bottom fell out in 2002. Still, we had UNC’s best-ever QB in Darian Durant, who had been hurt for most of the previous year. So I was somewhat optimistic that Coach Bunting could turn things around in 2003. (By the way: to those of you cursing out UNC’s QB situation from last year, I have one name for you: C.J. Stephens. Just the thought of him under center will keep me awake tonight.)

Any hope I had for that season was destroyed on this play.

Ugh. Not very good memories. I need to cleanse my palate a bit:

That’s better. Okay, NOW I’m ready to greet this season the right way, and I hope that this helpd you to get ready as well.

An Open Letter To Michael Jordans Everywhere

To All Michael Jordans of the Universe:

Y’all know me. I am not just a great basketball player. For a fifteen year span, I was the greatest basketball player of this and various unexplored solar systems. I am the reason basketball matters to dudes in Shanghai who can’t play any good to save their souls (yeah, I’m singling someone out, but let’s not directly discuss the Ao-Yay Ing-May).

I am calling upon you because I have been very disturbed about some recent news. I need to give a very important message:

Stop trying to ruin my good name.

All y’all Michael Jordan types are getting into some serious trouble lately, and it’s wrecking my reputation. All the time, people are asking me, “hey MJ, was that you who did a bad thing on the news?” and before I can defend myself, they say “Shame on you! You’re a terrible, terrible person. Now sign my Bulls jersey so I can sell it on eBay and I can finally pay someone to lose my virginity.” I’m sick of this. Being Michael Jordan, I’m busy enough trying to dodge bullets and bookies as is.

I’ve been keeping quiet about these kinds of stories, but this cracker is the last straw. Apparently some dude named Michael Jordan in South Carolina was caught fleeing for the Canadian border with $2.35 million from his clients. All day I’ve been getting phone calls and threats about that s—. Do I look like a lawyer to you, mo’fo’? I may be a slick endorser of shoes and undergarments that I never wear, but that doesn’t make me a lawyer! (By the way, you will never see me wear a Hanes in public until they let me plug my limited edition leopard skin man-thongs. It looks like those corporate geezers may be finally gettin’ with the times, but that topic is for another day.)

I simply cannot take this anymore. You Michael Jordans make me sick. That dude fleeing for Canada? That wasn’t me. The guy threatening a 40-year old Vietnamese woman in a Nike sweatshop? Not me. The MJ who bet $500,000 for the Spurs in Game 3 against the Suns “on a hunch”? Not me. The dude who played for the Wizards those two years? Definitely a fake. And don’t even get me started on that impostor who drafted those punks Kwame Brown and Adam Morrison. But the guy bumpin’ and grindin’ that cute white chick in Cabo? That was definitely me, ‘cuz I’m a player like that.

Anyway, my point is, before you plan on even getting out of your goddamn house: call my lawyer and tell him what you’re doing 24/7. You will be sorry if you don’t. Because If ANY of you dudes slip up again, I am comin’ to your house. I will raid your fridge, bust your plasma screen, and bling myself out with your wife’s jewelry. Then I’ll wait for you to come home and kick you between the legs so hard, your kids will be sterile. Don’t think I won’t do it either. I got a short fuse and a black belt in bust-yo-ass.

So remember to watch your back, have a fantastic day, and tell your kids to stay in school.

Sincerely,

His Airness, The One True Michael Jordan