Dr. Lou Alcohol Poisoning Watch: USC-Oregon State (9/25)

If you played the Dr. Lou drinking game during halftime of the USC-Oregon State game, how many brain cells would you, or should you, have killed during the broadcast? Let’s find out. The link to the video is here.

(NOTE: The Dr. Lou Drinking game is primarily intended for laughs only. But if you insist on playing for real, you should probably stick to beer.)

:10 Opening theme. 1 drink.

:35 That’s four different metaphors in a row. The guy’s on fire. “I don’t understand how a black cow who eats green grass produces white milk and yellow cheese” is both funny and confusing, but the rest are one drinkers. 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 5 drinks.

:50 It’s Matt Stafford! And he mentions emulationg Notre Dame QB Tony Rice from the 1988 title, even though I’m sure he was only told about Tony Rice 2 minutes before he called. 1 + 2 = 3 drinks.

1:05 Hyperbole! 1 drink.

1:25 It’s not in the rulebook yet, but reminiscing about a direct threat to a QB about playing time has to count for something. 2 drinks.

1:30 Next caller: Urban Meyer. 1 drink.

2:05 “‘Joseph died leaning on his staff’. The same can be said for me.” That Bible reference was…interesting. 3 drinks.

2:25: Dr. Lou wishes a dark, claustrophobic, automobile-related death upon all to dislike his show. Chug.

So if the math is correct, excluding the involvement of Rece Davis and Mark May, you would have taken about sixteen drinks plus one chug over the course of two and a half minutes.