Joe Paterno Announces Successful Recruitment of Richard Pryor

 

 

The Penn State coach eagerly awaits Pryor’s letter of intent.
State College Police said they may intervene if Pryor attempts to come. Said the police chief, “One flesh-eating zombie running around town is bad enough.”

Mike Hart For Heisman

For the past month or so, I had been too distracted by Lou Holtz to throw my support behind any particular player for the Heisman trophy. But now, my decision is clear: the Heisman  should go to Mike Hart. Is it because he’s on pace to rush for over 1,500 yards and 18 touchdowns? Because he has single handedly kept the Wolverines in the Big Ten hunt and Lloyd Carr with a pension plan? Because he’s playing better football than many of the other potential candidates? Because his main rivals’ teams now keep taking turns in the Vietnamese boathouse? No, its because of his new campaign ads.

If these don’t get you pumped about Mike Hart’s Heisman campaign, nothing will.

Many thanks to Autumn Thunder for making these videos. 

What to Watch: College Football Week 7

#12 Virginia Tech at Duke (12:00 ET, R/LF Sports): Duke has played in several close games, and seem to be due for a win. If there’s anything we can predict about the ACC, it’s that it’s unpredictable. Can Thaddeus Lewis and the Blue Devils pull off a huge upset at home?

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HA! Just kidding. They’re gonna get clobbered. But I had you going for a second, didn’t I?

#18 Illinois at Iowa (12:00 ET, ESPN2): I battle any sex or any race, you beatin’ me is like Billy Crystal playin’ Scarface! I can’t see it, I’m blind to the eyes, I came up in your face Oops Pow Surprise! OHHHHHHHH!!!

Illinois will win, unless Iowa’s offense is reminded that the season is underway.

Georgia Tech at Miami (12:00 ET, ESPN): Tech has been very disappointing, with 3 conference losses already. But that doesn;t mena they can upset the Hurricanes and throw yet another wrench into the clusterf— that is the ACC.

#7 South Carolina at North Carolina (3:30 ET, ABC): As always, the live blog is on Tar Heel Mania. Seemingly every big team has been the recipient of an upset, except for South Carolina. Everyevery little team has had a chance at the big upset, except for North Carolina. The time has come.

#1 LSU at #17 Kentucky (3:30 ET, CBS): Kentucky’s biggest game of the year, while a loss for LSU (as predicted by the Lou Holtz pep talk) would make the BCS picture even murkier. This is almost certainly the biggest game of the day. You know, in case you aren’t interested in non-conference matchup between two pseudo rivals, one of whom has a losing record.

#4 Boston College at Notre Dame (3:30 ET, NBC): The National Notre Dame Schadenfruede continues…

#11 Missouri at #6 Oklahoma (6:30 ET, FSN): The Tigers have been surprising everyone this year, but they get their biggest test in Norman today. Can Chase Daniel stay out of trouble against the Sooners?

#22 Auburn at Arkansas (7:45 ET, ESPN): Darren McFadden is going to have a big game tonight. He better, or else Houston Nutt will need to text message his letter of resignation on the sideline.

Games To Watch: College Football Week 4

• UNC at #23 USF (12 ET, ESPN): I’ll be live-blogging this game over at Tar Heel Mania. This game features two of the NCAA’s best underclassman Quarterbacks, UNC’s T.J. Yates and USF’s Matt Grothe.

• #3 Florida at Ole Miss (12:30 ET): You might think that Florida will blow away the Rebels, but Ed Orgeron has the perfect game plan this week.

• #12 South Carolina at #2 LSU (3:30 ET, CBS): Steve Spurrier. Les Miles. Hilarity, and great football, shall ensue.

• #10 Penn State at Michigan (3:30 ET, ABC): For the Wolverines, the real season is about to begin. They’ve got a chip on their shoulder, and the Nittany Lions haven’t played anyone. But I have a question for Michigan: What kind of freaky stuff between the sheets do you have to do with NCAA President Myles Brand to play your first four games at home and eight home games in a season?

• #21 Kentucky at Arkansas (6 ET, ESPN2): For Arkansas, they’re in desperate need for a marquee win after their offseason turmoil. For Kentucky…holy crap, Kentucky is ranked?

• #22 Georgia at #16 Alabama (7:45 ET, ESPN): Sabanism is spreading! Run for your liiiiiiiives!
  

 

Games To Watch, College Football Week 3

Virginia at UNC, 12:00 ET, LF/Raycom: I’ll be live blogging this game at Tar Heel Mania. How will the Heels respond in their conference opener?

#22 Tennessee vs. #5 Florida, 3:30 ET, CBS: This is what college football is really about: the big-time rivalries. We get our first true rivalry of the season.

#10 Ohio State vs. Washington, 3:30 ET, ESPN: Can Washington pull off the upset? The long answer: maybe. The short answer: no.

#1 USC vs. Nebraska, 8:00 ET, ABC: The Trojans get their first true test, and Nebraska gets a chance to prove, once and for all, if they’re back to being a national power.

#21 Boston College at #15 Georgia Tech, 8:00 ET, ESPN: A big ACC game, Matt Ryan will be pressured early and often against Jon Tenuta and the Georgia Tech defense. If the Heels managed to keep Tenuta as defensive coordinator, John Bunting might still have a job.

Toledo vs, Kansas, 7:00 ET: “The lard bowl”. The only reason to watch this game is for the ultimate, to the death sumo wrestling match between Tom Amstutz and Mark Mangino at halftime.

What To Watch: College Football Week 2

Miami vs. #5 Oklahoma (12:00 ET, ABC): Randy Shannon’s first true test at Miami. Will the Hurricanes begin returning to their old, dominant form this season? The weather conditions are certainly in their favor (heat, humidity, and rain); we could see an upset.

#16 Nebraska vs. Wake Forest (12:00 ET, ESPN): Wake Forest will really be hurting in this game, as QB Riley Skinner won’t play due to a hand injury. The huskers should dominate on paper, but I can’t help but wonder if Nebraska is looking ahead to USC.

NC State vs. Boston College (2:30 ET, ESPN2): Tom O’Brien returns to his old digs. How will the BC crowd receive him? NC State can definitely pull of the upset here; O’Brien is playing against, in essence, his own system.

South Carolina vs. #11 Georgia (5:45 ET, ESPN2): Blake Mitchell, Dance Machine is back from suspension just in time for the Gamecock’s season opener against Georgia. How much of a difference will he make?

Notre Dame vs. #14 Penn State (6:00 ET, ESPN): “LOU HOLTH FOR PRETHEDENTH!“

I saw that sign on College GameDay this morning, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Jimmy Clausen’s gonna have a rough day today.
#9 Virginia Tech vs. #2 LSU (9:15 ET, ESPN): Already dubbed the “Tragedy Bowl”, the ESPN coverage might be insufferable. But the game should be excellent, especially on defense. Virginia Tech did not impress in their home opener however, and I doubt that any non-SEC team can beat the Tigers at home this year.

North Carolina vs. East Carolina (6:00 ET, CSTV): 2-0, baby!

This is UNC’s first true test, on the road against a winning team that considers the Tar Heels their mortal enemy. How UNC’s young starters respond to the hostile environment will likely determine the outcome of this game.