Lou’s Pep Talk Alcohol Poisoning Watch: Week 9

By now, most of you have become familiar with Lou Holtz’s Pep Talk and the drinking game I chose to attach to it. (We have a few new elements to the game-check it out.) However, are you wondering how drunk you would have been if you had tried to play it? Let’s find out.

You don’t even want to KNOW what the Pringles are for.

First up: His second pep talk for Nebraska.

Fan IQ thinks the pep talk was a disaster, but the weirdness is something worth cherishing. But on to the tally.

Right off the bat, I see his loose tie, the talk is for a once-proud program who lost to Oklahoma State in Week 8, and I recognize a left side off-tackle run play to the left of his head. That’s one + one +two +three = seven sips before he even says anything.

“The time to worry is before you place your bet, and not after they spin the wheel.” That’s fortune cookie material. One sip.

“We solved sexism, racism, we’ll solve problems with Nebraska football if enough people care.” That is the kind of analogy and hyperbole that no one could hope to understand but him. Two + three = five sips.

“I’ll always have a future.” Bill Callahan? Future? HA! Two sips.

“If I didn’t show up, who would miss me and why?” Think about that before the next time your mother-in-law tries to show up. Three sips.

“Let’s go make Texas sorry that we showed up today. Let’s go!” That is one mad septogenarian right there. four + one = five sips.

So not counting the lisps (which, I admit, may be too many to keep track of), if you had played the Drinking game in Week 9, you would have taken 23 gulps of beer or 11.5 shots of liquor during Lou’s Pep Talk for Nebraska. If you add to that the Huskers’ close loss to Texas in that game, the number goes to 27/13.5.