Posted by Mike on June 1, 2007
One day after Jose Reyes fools Armando Benitez, getting him to balk twice, letting Reyes walk home, and ultimately costing the Giants their game against the New York Mets, Benitez has been traded to the Florida Marlins.
Benitez sealed his fate with his final two appearances, both defeats that dropped his record to 0-3 with a 4.67 ERA. Last Friday he allowed two ninth-inning runs in a 5-3 loss to Colorado, then cited the offense’s failure to advance baserunners. He endured a nightmarish outing on Tuesday night against the Mets, yielding two 12th-inning runs by balking twice before surrendering Carlos Delgado’s walk-off home run in a 5-4 loss.
I’ve seen the replays, I’ve looked up the ruling, and I still can’t figure out why those were called balks. Benitez certainly shouldn’t be traded for what happened in that game. He was traded because he is just a bad pitcher, but to time it right after the balking incident is rubbing salt in the wounds for “Blow-Nitez.” The Giants organization isn’t even trying to be subtle, and it’s hilarious.
Actually, Benitez will be paid $7.6 million to leave by the Giants organization, for all of his bad pitching over the years. I think he’ll be having the last laugh.
Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Armando Benitez, Baseball, Giants, MLB, Mud Butt | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Mike on May 24, 2007
This post just wrote itself. It pertains to a new weight loss drug, Alli. I watched a CNBC report on Wednesday night about Alli, a drug that’s supposed to make you lose weight at a modest, healthy pace. The key mechanism of the drug (Orlastit) is that it blocks your body from absorbing fat fro the food you eat. As Glaxo Smith Kilne, the makers of Alli, make clear in their handbook “Are You Losing It?” it could lead to some disastrous consequences.
“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of your treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”
“You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take Alli. The bathroom is really the only place to go when that happens.”
Wow. Just…wow. The joke possibilities are endless.
If centers start getting unexpectedly skinny this season, it may be a good idea for the quarterback to run a shotgun offense.
The Madden curse will continue not by injury, but by the fact that the goalline formation snap from center and handoff to LenDale White will make Vince Young’s season a living hell. He may get Ebola or something. Definitely don’t get his autograph after the game; it will be the NFL’s finest biohazard.
Oh, so that’s what happened to Najeh Davenport!
Al Michaels: “The starting defensive tackle won’t start tonight. He’s out with a colon.”
Billy Packer: “Clearly, that is not diarrhea, Jim.”
Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Alli, Digital Headbutt, Great Moments in Stupidity, MLS, Mud Butt, Stuff That Involves Things, WTF | 2 Comments »