Digital Headbutt

A sports blog about stuff…stuff that involves things.

Archive for the ‘Mud Butt’ Category

Mom, You Can Call Off The Bots Now

Posted by Mike on November 1, 2007

Digital Headbutt began to delve into the sports blog universe one year ago this week. Its beginnings were humble, and I was not even fully aware of the vast sports blogosphere around me until this space had been around for three months. 207 posts and 110,000+ hits later, I may very well have created a monster. The kind of monster who ventures into the realm of the unknown, for varying lengths of time, and brings back stuff like this.

Of all the posts on Digital Headbutt, these three were statistically your favorites:

Benny Feilhaber’s Gold Cup Winning Goal

The Survive-Off

(Which reminds me: Day 3 of the Survive-Off is coming…)

The Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game

I would like to thank all of the sports blogosphere, and all of the great people, too many to mention in this space, whom I would not have collaborated with, spoken to, or met without Digital Headbutt and Tar Heel Mania. You have made this worthwhile. Because dammit, they won’t let me put AdSense on this thing!


Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Am I going to hell for this?, Cruelty to mascots, Cult of Personality, Digital Headbutt, GOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!, Great Moments in Stupidity, HUEVONAZO!, Mel Kiper Has No Idea What's Going On, Mud Butt, Secret Identities, Shameless Self Promotion, Skit Ocksa!, Stuff That Involves Things, Things that are more fun in foreign dialects, Way More Tags Than This Post Merits, what is this hyperbole of which you speak?, Wojo, yes this is a slow news day. how can you tell?, Your hubris is burning from the nosebleed section | Leave a Comment »

Vote For Digital Headbutt Or We Shoot The Saban

Posted by Mike on June 16, 2007

Round 3 of the Ladies…Hot Blogger Bracket is well underway, and right now I’m in a really close matchup with Sammy’s Sports Sermons. So desperate times call for desperate measures.


That’s right, I have captured the one that you seek. Vote for me, Digital Headbutt, or I will shoot the Saban, and he will never be heard from again.

Wait a minute…Who wrote this? Saban, did you write this behind my back?

(Saban nods ‘yes’)

GODDAMMIT! Now I’m going to look like a fool in front of the whole world! You think I’m a fool, Saban?!? DO YA?!? HUH?!? HUH?!?

(Saban nods ‘no’)

That’s what I thought. Now just sit there, and stop trying to screw this up!

(Saban nods ‘yes’)

Okay, where were we? Oh yes. What I meant to say was “If you vote for Digital Headbutt, we will reward you, the voters, by shooting the Saban, so he will never be heard from again.” He’s been a nuisance to all of us, and in doing this we won’t have to put up with his antics for the next 10-20 years. Even the Bammers don’t want that; they just don’t know it yet.

And to my Tar Heel faithful: thank you for voting. You’ve gotten me this far, now let’s kick it up a notch!

(Director) Aaaaaannnd Cut!

Good work people! Now that’s what I call a ransom video.

(Saban) Can I go home now?

Not yet. We need to make another tape addressing your followers. But first, some barbecue.

(Saban) With a side of lies?

We wouldn’t serve it to you any other way, Mr. Saban.

(Saban) Hooray!


Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Alabama, Bracket, College Football, Cult of Personality, Digital Headbutt, Great Moments in Stupidity, Hot Blogger Bracket, Mud Butt, Nick Saban, Patriotism at its finest, Sabanism, Shameless Self Promotion, This is why the Internet was invented, Way More Tags Than This Post Merits | 4 Comments »

Balking Is Punishable by Death

Posted by Mike on June 1, 2007

blow-nitez.jpgOne day after Jose Reyes fools Armando Benitez, getting him to balk twice, letting Reyes walk home, and ultimately costing the Giants their game against the New York Mets, Benitez has been traded to the Florida Marlins.

Benitez sealed his fate with his final two appearances, both defeats that dropped his record to 0-3 with a 4.67 ERA. Last Friday he allowed two ninth-inning runs in a 5-3 loss to Colorado, then cited the offense’s failure to advance baserunners. He endured a nightmarish outing on Tuesday night against the Mets, yielding two 12th-inning runs by balking twice before surrendering Carlos Delgado’s walk-off home run in a 5-4 loss.

I’ve seen the replays, I’ve looked up the ruling, and I still can’t figure out why those were called balks. Benitez certainly shouldn’t be traded for what happened in that game. He was traded because he is just a bad pitcher, but to time it right after the balking incident is rubbing salt in the wounds for “Blow-Nitez.” The Giants organization isn’t even trying to be subtle, and it’s hilarious.

Actually, Benitez will be paid $7.6 million to leave by the Giants organization, for all of his bad pitching over the years. I think he’ll be having the last laugh.

Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Armando Benitez, Baseball, Giants, MLB, Mud Butt | Leave a Comment »

Mud Butt: The Answer To LenDale’s Prayers!

Posted by Mike on May 24, 2007

diarrhea.jpg This post just wrote itself. It pertains to a new weight loss drug, Alli. I watched a CNBC report on Wednesday night about Alli, a drug that’s supposed to make you lose weight at a modest, healthy pace. The key mechanism of the drug (Orlastit) is that it blocks your body from absorbing fat fro the food you eat. As Glaxo Smith Kilne, the makers of Alli, make clear in their handbook “Are You Losing It?” it could lead to some disastrous consequences.

“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of your treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”

“You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take Alli. The bathroom is really the only place to go when that happens.”

Wow. Just…wow. The joke possibilities are endless.

If centers start getting unexpectedly skinny this season, it may be a good idea for the quarterback to run a shotgun offense.

The Madden curse will continue not by injury, but by the fact that the goalline formation snap from center and handoff to LenDale White will make Vince Young’s season a living hell. He may get Ebola or something. Definitely don’t get his autograph after the game; it will be the NFL’s finest biohazard.

Oh, so that’s what happened to Najeh Davenport!

Al Michaels: “The starting defensive tackle won’t start tonight. He’s out with a colon.”

Billy Packer: “Clearly, that is not diarrhea, Jim.”

Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Alli, Digital Headbutt, Great Moments in Stupidity, MLS, Mud Butt, Stuff That Involves Things, WTF | 2 Comments »