Digital Headbutt

A sports blog about stuff…stuff that involves things.

Archive for the ‘Hot Blogger Bracket’ Category

Vote For Digital Headbutt Or We Shoot The Saban

Posted by Mike on June 16, 2007

Round 3 of the Ladies…Hot Blogger Bracket is well underway, and right now I’m in a really close matchup with Sammy’s Sports Sermons. So desperate times call for desperate measures.

saban-kidnapped.jpg

That’s right, I have captured the one that you seek. Vote for me, Digital Headbutt, or I will shoot the Saban, and he will never be heard from again.

Wait a minute…Who wrote this? Saban, did you write this behind my back?

(Saban nods ‘yes’)

GODDAMMIT! Now I’m going to look like a fool in front of the whole world! You think I’m a fool, Saban?!? DO YA?!? HUH?!? HUH?!?

(Saban nods ‘no’)

That’s what I thought. Now just sit there, and stop trying to screw this up!

(Saban nods ‘yes’)

Okay, where were we? Oh yes. What I meant to say was “If you vote for Digital Headbutt, we will reward you, the voters, by shooting the Saban, so he will never be heard from again.” He’s been a nuisance to all of us, and in doing this we won’t have to put up with his antics for the next 10-20 years. Even the Bammers don’t want that; they just don’t know it yet.

And to my Tar Heel faithful: thank you for voting. You’ve gotten me this far, now let’s kick it up a notch!

(Director) Aaaaaannnd Cut!

Good work people! Now that’s what I call a ransom video.

(Saban) Can I go home now?

Not yet. We need to make another tape addressing your followers. But first, some barbecue.

(Saban) With a side of lies?

We wouldn’t serve it to you any other way, Mr. Saban.

(Saban) Hooray!

 

Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Alabama, Bracket, College Football, Cult of Personality, Digital Headbutt, Great Moments in Stupidity, Hot Blogger Bracket, Mud Butt, Nick Saban, Patriotism at its finest, Sabanism, Shameless Self Promotion, This is why the Internet was invented, Way More Tags Than This Post Merits | 4 Comments »

To Vote Against Digital Headbutt Is To Vote Against America

Posted by Mike on June 11, 2007

I have managed to advance into Round 2 of the Ladies…Hot Blogger Bracket. But this week I am facing a member of the sports blog pantheon, Orson Swindle of Every Day Should Be Saturday. EDSBS is one of the biggest and best blogs out there, so I understand that you may be tempted to vote for him. But to vote, you must be able to make an informed decision, and to make an informed decision there is something you should know.

To vote against Digital Headbutt is to reject the very principles on which this country was founded.

Allow me to explain.

The First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution clearly protects all religious speech from any action “respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” What, you ask, does this have anything to do with sports blogging? Because in this space a month and a half ago, I was the person who uncovered a new religion growing in Alabama: Sabanism. You may agree with the principles of Sabanism, or you may disagree with them. But you cannot, under any circumstances, attempt to block the message. Political, Religious and Social Speech gets the highest level of First Amendment protection, according to the established precedents of the U.S. Supreme Court. Tell me, since when does any of that kind of speech protection apply to “Appalachain is HOT HOT HOT“? Never, that’s when.

So don’t let the allure of a Tim Tebow picture fool you. By voting for EDSBS, you are voting to shun religious speech from being heard in the marketplace of ideas, which is essential to the proper function of democracy. By voting for EDSBS, you are telling the U.S. Constitution to go to hell, and by proxy the United States itself. Well, I AM NOT GOING TO SIT HERE QUIETLY AND LET YOU LAY WASTE TO MY BELOVED COUNTRY!!!

So vote for America. Vote for Digital Headbutt. If you don’t, the terrorists win.

BONUS: You also have to consider that this is a Hot Blogger Bracket. Look at this picture and tell me if there’s anything remotely sexy about this “Orson Swindle” fellow:

Didn’t think so.

Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Bracket, Championship, Cult of Personality, Digital Headbutt, Hot Blogger Bracket, Patriotism at its finest, Sabanism, Shameless Self Promotion, Stuff That Involves Things, This is why the Internet was invented, USA! USA!, Way More Tags Than This Post Merits, yes this is a slow news day. how can you tell?, Your hubris is burning from the nosebleed section | 3 Comments »