Digital Headbutt

A sports blog about stuff…stuff that involves things.

The Real Secret to SEC Speed

Posted by Mike on July 10, 2008

Aliens and UFOs. It all makes sense now.

A professor at the University of Florida has developed the first flying saucer known to man. This being the University Florida, the research will almost certainly become just the latest scientific advantage given to Gator football, after the developments of Gatorade, Fun n’ Gun mind control chips, and the genetic building project of Tim Tebow at a Cold War-era CIA laboratory in Quezon City (you don’t think his birth in the Phillipines was a coincidence, do you?). As these magnetically charged “UFOs” can be built as large or as small as needed, they can easily be grafted onto cleats and turn receivers into human hovercrafts.

You can bet that this will be the new wave of cleats in the coming years, and that Florida will score 89 points per game this year. Because if science isn’t being used for football, it’s a waste of taxpayers’ money.


2 Responses to “The Real Secret to SEC Speed”

  1. Breakthrough discovery. Hmm. What kinds of things do UT folks invent? Moonshine. Atomic bombs. Now there’s a combination.

  2. Mike White said

    For football? UT frankensteins new recruits from their world-renowned body farm.

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