This past Friday night, Seattle Mariners star Ichiro was up late in Pioneer Square when he decided to hit a karaoke bar with a few American teammates. One of his teammates, an avid college football fan, told him about Appalachian State’s historic upset over Michigan just a few weeks ago. He responded, through his translator, that he admired the small school’s fighting spirit, and wanted to acknowledge them in some way. And so he asked the karaoke DJ, again through his translator, if there was any particular song to which he could dedicate App State’s historic victory. The DJ played the obvious choice, “Appalachian is HOT! HOT HOT!”.
The following is a transcript of what Ichiro and his translator sang in the ensuing two and a half minutes. Do not laugh, lest ye face the wrath of Suzuki-san’s Maplewood Katana.
Ichiro says: This is not funny.
(NOTE: The song’s lyrics were translated to Japanese and re-translated to “Engrish” by Babelfish.)
There is university of the place where the highest,
It goes in the mountain in regard to remainder.
It works together, it is best, but because of a certain,
Series of the Appalachian mountain range of the surface of smile.
The existence truth which which comes the doctrine, the learning,
The being brought up, and dream and endeavors.
We that and what are hotter than ASU and shout it is not thing here where doubt concerning that!
To be hot it is hot hotly, is hot hotly it is hot,
The Appalachian mountain range university it is hot! It is hot! It is hot!
We are hot, why we having, it reaches,
The fact that we are shown it is permitted it permits the fact that thing we who come show it comes! It is hot! It is hot!
(instrument solos)
To be hot it is hot hotly, is hot hotly it is hot,
the Appalachian mountain range university it is hot! It is hot! It is hot!
We are hot, why we having, it reaches,
The fact that we are shown it is permitted it permits the fact that thing we who come show it comes! It is hot! It is hot!
Our desires of the large tradition,
Where you speak the language of brave New Year are made.
It is the world concerning the night of new day
When the mind of Mountaineer is expanded opening.
The country, loyalty the best student and teacher,
Us the large quantity have with the graduate.
As the stone you brag as the solid matter and the hole sparrow
And the Appalachian mountain range university, it is hot! It is hot! It is hot!
To be hot it is hot hotly, is hot hotly it is hot,
The Appalachian mountain range university it is hot! It is hot! It is hot!
We are hot, why we having, it reaches,
The fact that we are shown it is permitted it permits the fact that thing we who come show it comes! It is hot! It is hot!
The weather is cool, it is cool, when being cool even,
The Appalachian mountain range university is hot! It is hot! It is hot!
Tonight, The Boston Red Sox play the Seattle Mariners in Fenway Park. It’s Daisuke Matsuzaka’s first home start, as well as his first chance to face Ichiro in the Major Leagues (I discussed this in more detail on Monday) . However, other factors will likely determine this game, such as: Can anyone stop Davis Ortiz’s bat? Will Felix Hernandez be able to stop the Red Sox offense? Will Seattle get any offense? And if the Red Sox have a lead, will middle relief ruin it before Papelbon can get on the mound?
But primarily, I’m watching this because it will be my first opportunity to see Matsuzaka (or Mothra, as I am now calling him. Using Dice-K is lazy!) pitch live. To celebrate the huge Japanese influence on this game, every inning I will show a picture of Japan f—ing up English and a truly bizarre video from Japanese TV. In fact, I will start with one of each to tide you over:
Hey, those don’t look like the Mariners! maybe I’m getting sleepy…
7:05 pm: The first at-bat of the game will be Mothra vs. Ichiro. That will be odd, the most anticipated moment of the game happens first. How anticlimactic.
I wonder if the big layoff after the Indians series was snowed out will still affect them tonight.
7:11 pm: A huge breaking ball by Matsuzaka, and Ichiro bites, hook line and sinker. A quick 0-2.
7:12 pm: Ichiro has adjusted quickly. It’s now a full count, 3-2.
7:13 pm: He swings at the full count pitch, and he grounds out right to Matsuzaka. 1 out, nobody on.
7:14 pm: He seems to be relying heavily on the breaking ball. Still, he retired Adrian Beltre in 2 pitches. 2 out, nobody on, top of the 1st.
7:16 pm: Jose Vidro’s grounder gets by Julio Lugo, and Vidro has the base hit. Julio, you have to get that ball, the Sox paid you $36 million to make that play.
7:18 pm: Raul Ibanez hits a grounder to Mike Lowell at 3rd, and he gets the force out at 2nd. Top of the first inning over, 0-0.
Engrish Picture of the 1st inning:
7:20 pm: Bottom of the first inning. Now we get to see Felix Hernandez’s filthy stuff.
7:22 pm: Julio Lugo grounds out to 2nd. 1 out, nobody on, Youkilis up next.
7:23 pm: A great inside pitch by Hernandez causes a flyout to Jose Lopez. 2 outs, Ortiz at the plate.
7:24 pm: Another groundout to Lopez, and that’s the end of the first inning, still scoreless.
Weird Japanese video of the 1st inning:
7:27 pm: Top of the 2nd inning. Mothra easily disposes of Richie Sexson. 1 out.
7:29 pm: Jose Guillen crushes a fastball off the Monster, but is held to a single by Manny. Johjima is up next. He has 5 HR against Matsuzaka.
7:30 pm: Oh crap. Johjima hits one into left field, and Guillen goes to third. 1 out, runners on the corners.
7:33 pm: Betancourt also hits one deep into left field. Ramirez makes the catch, but Guillen tags up from third, as the throw is a little too far to the right.
7:34 pm: Jose Lopez grounds out to Lowell to end the top of the 2nd. 1-0, Seattle.
Engrish picture of the 2nd inning:
7:37 pm: Ramirez’s grounder ricochets off Felix’s leg, and he still gets thrown out at first with time to spare. Come on, where’s the hustle?!?
7:39 pm: Hernandez strikes out JD Drew looking. His stuff is nasty tonight.
7:40 pm: Hernandez retires the first 6 Red Sox batters in about 20 pitches. Insane. 1-0, Seattle after 2 innings.
Weird video of the 2nd Inning, the oddest commercial you may ever see. I swear, you will be humming this tomorrow:
7:43 pm: Matsuzaka is back. The first batter of the 3rd inning (Ichiro) flies out to Center Fielder/Cereal Coco Crisp.
Peter Gammons just said the buzz was BIGGER when Pedro arrived. Now that’s saying something. About what I have no f—ing idea.
7:45 pm: Beltre flies out to Lugo, 2 away, nobody on. The 2nd inning struggles seem to have gone away.
7:46 pm: Mothra gets his first strikeout to retire Vidro and end the top of the 3rd. 1-0, Seattle.
Engrish picture of the 3rd inning:
7:50 pm: We may be seeing one of the best pitchers’ duels this season. Felix Hernandez’s stuff is absolutely destroying the Red Sox right now. A big slider struck out Varitek.
7:53 pm: Eight up, eight down for Felix. Rookie 2nd baseman Dustin Pedroia is at the plate.
7:54 pm: No perfect game for Felix, as he walks Pedroia. He retires Lugo in two pitches to end the innig, however, and maintain the no-hitter.
Weird video of the 3rd inning: I dare you not to laugh.
8:00 pm: Matsuzaka strikes out Ibanez to start the 4th inning. His pitching has gotten better as the game goes on.
8:02 pm: Sexson bites on the inside pitch, and completely whiffs the breaking ball. Daisuke has struck out 3 straight batters.
8:03 pm: Guillen is hit in the elbow by a pitch, and he’s on first with two outs and Johjima at bat.
8:05 pm: Lowell gets the forceout at 2nd, and the top of the 4th inning ends. 1-0, Seattle. Excellent game so far by both pitchers.
Engrish picture of the 4th:
8:08 pm: Felix walks Kevin Youkilis on 4 pitches. One on, and Big Papi is up next. Watch out…
8:09 pm: …Or not. Ortiz grounds into the double play. Unbelievable. Hernandez still has a no-hitter.
8:11 pm: The fourth inning ends, as Ramirez grounds out to 3rd. 1-0, Seattle after 4.
Weird video of the 4th inning:
8:15 pm: On an 0-2 pitch, Betancourt (I think) hits a line drive, but Lugo catches it. 1 out, 5th inning.
8:16 pm: Jose Lopez’s line drives safely goes into right field for a base hit. Ichiro’s up next (0-2, 2 groundouts).
8:19 pm: Matsuzaka’s breaking ball strikes out Ichiro. ESPN gave the Japanese radio feed. I thought it was cool. and I learned a new word…Otoosuru, which means to strike out. As in, Otooshimashita.
8:20 pm: Uh-oh. One bad pitch leads to a triple by Beltre, which brings Lopez home from first. Beltre scores on the next hit, a blooper by Vidro. Matsuzaka retires Ibanez, but not before it becomes 3-0 Seattle on essentially one bad pitch.
Engrish picture of the 5th:
8:24 pm: If you want to throw a no-hitter, you need to have good infielders. Sexson leaps to catch a bad throw to get out JD Drew.
8:25 pm: Felix Hernandez continue to impress with his filthy pitching, but you have to give a lot of credit to Jose Lopez, the second baseman. I think he’s made at least 6 different plays in the infield.
8:27 pm: Felix retires the side in the fifth inning, still with a no-hitter. 3-0, Seattle. I know Felix is pitching well, but I expected more from our bats.
Bizarre video of the fifth:
8:30 pm: This has nothing to do with the game, but I have found that a lot of Japanese people have bad teeth. I just saw Matsuzaka’s smile, and there are at least two teeth way out of place.
8:34 pm: Matsuzaka retires the first two batters, the last a flyout to right.
He’s pitching well , but he already has 80+ pitches. Conversely, Felix’s pitching total is somewhere closer to 50.
8:35 pm: Johjima gets another double off Daisuke. He’s 2-3 tonight. I guess he knows his weaknesses after 100+ at-bats against Matsuzaka.
8:37 pm: Betancourt flies out to Crisp to end the top of the 6th. 3-0, Seattle.
Engrish picture of the 6th inning:
8:40 pm: Bottom of the 6th inning. Coco Crisp strikes out swinging at a slider. Crisp is a good outfielder, but he hits like crap.
8:42 pm: Pedroia grounds out to the short stop. Felix Hernandez has retired 15 batters, with 2 walks and a double play.
8:43 pm: Lugo grounds out, and Felix still has a no-hitter through six.
3-0, Seattle.
Bizarre video of the 6th inning: more commercial weirdness…
8:46 pm: Jose Lopez hits a single off Matsuzaka to start the 7th inning. Ichiro up next (0-3).
Hershiser says that Matsuzaka has customized his pitches most for Ichiro tonight. I don;t know, I think he needs it for Johjima more.
8:48 pm: Ichiro finally gets the single avoiding the double play with his baserunning. Still, they gets the forceout of Lopez at 2nd.
8:50 pm: It looks like Matsuzaka is really starting to struggle as he approaches the 100 pitch mark, walking Adrian Beltre in 4 pitches. The cold Boston weather is certainly not helping matters.
8:52 pm: Matsuzaka and Youkilis force the double play to end the jam in the 7th inning. 3-0, Seattle. Francona may pull Daisuke now.
Engrish picture of the 7th inning:
8:56 pm: Youkilis makes a great hit to left field, but Ibanez makes the tough catch.
19 down for King Felix. Ortiz is up next.
8:57 pm: Big Papi hits one deep but also flies out to Ibanez. 20 down for Felix, still no hits. Ramirez is up.
The Mariners are having such a good game; you think it would be able to wipe that constipated look off of manager Mie Hargrove’s face.
8:59 pm: Manny Ramirez strikes out looking. Hernandez’s stuff has not wavered at all. 3-0, Seattle after 7 innings.
Bizarre video of the 7th inning: Who doesn’t love a good nutshot?
9:02 pm: J.C Romero is in for Matsuzaka, who had a solid 7 inning outing tonight. If not for King Felix, Boston would still be very much in this game.
9:04 pm: Romero makes quick work retiring the two batters he faces in the 8th inning before Piniero comes in to replace him.
9:07 pm: Guillen hits one down the left filed line before bouncing off the the close wall there. Guillen gets a single, and Johjima is up next. How will he hit against a non-Matsuzaka pitcher?
9:10 pm: Johjima is walked, putting two guys on base. Piniero hasn;t been able to get anyone out, but they’re leaving him in with Betancourt at the plate.
9:11 pm: …And he flies out to Crisp to end the inning. 3-0, Seattle. Red Sox are still in this one, but they have to find a way to hit off of Felix Hernandez.
Engrish picture of the 8th inning: Pay attention to #3.
9:14 pm: JD Drew finally breaks the no hitter!!! A grounder away from Jose Lopez’s outstretched mitt. Mike Lowell is up next, and the Sox have finally gotten a base hit.
9:16 pm: The Fenway crowd nearly came back into this game, yelling when Lowell made good contact with an Hernandez pitch, but He flies out to center field.
That reminds me, in June we need to trade for Ichiro.
9:19 pm: Sexson easily fields a Varitek grounder, but he drops the throw back to him, botching the DP.
But Crisp grounds out on the next pitch to end the 8th inning. 3-0, Seattle, as Felix Hernandez has really stolen the show.
Bizarre video of the 8th inning: Obstacle Course!
9:23 pm: 9th inning. Piniero still pitching for the Sox, I think.
Lopez grounds out to Julio Lugo for the 1st out.
9:25 pm: Ichiro flies out to Coco Crisp. He’s 0-5 tonight.
9:26 pm: Julio Lugo fields the ball well, but makes a bad throw that goes into the dugout. Beltre goes to second by default.
9:27 pm: Lugo redeems himself, throwing out Jose Virdo to end the top of the 9th inning. It is now up to the Red Sox batters to somehow get at 3 runs off Felix Hernandez (and possibly JJ Putz) in the 9th inning to stay in the game.
Engrish picture of the 9th inning: Uh, no comment…
9:30 pm: Bottom of the 9th. King Felix is still pitching.
9:31 pm: Hernandez shows his fielding skills, throwing out Pedroia at first.
9:32 pm: Another groundout, this time by Lugo, means that the fate of this game now rests on Kevin Youkilis. Things are looking pretty bleak for the Sox right now.
9:32 pm: And it ends on a curveball strikeout! Seattle wins, 3-0. Felix Hernandez pitches about as good a game as you will see all year: CG, 9 IP, 1H, 2 BB, 6K, 17 groundouts. The Red Sox offense did not have a chance. Matsuzaka had a solid outing tonight (7 IP, 3 ER), but Felix definitely stole the show. I’m just glad we won’t be facing him tomorrow.
Finally, the video of the 9th inning, absolutely hilarious. Good night!
This Wednesday night is the biggest event is Japanese sports since the 2002 World Cup. In Fenway Park, Daisuke Matsuzaka is starting for Red Sox against the Mariners, where he will pitch against Ichiro. You can bet everyone in Japan is going to be watching, and that I will be liveblogging. Mothra (Boston’s answer to the Yankees’ Godzilla; I refuse to call him Dice-K) vs. Ichiro could be the single most important at-bat in the history of Nihon no Yakyuu. If this video is any indication, Matsuzaka has the advantage over Mr. Suzuki. This video is from when Matsuzaka was 18, and his stuff was still too nasty for Ichiro. Three at-bats, three strikeouts.
I’ll be liveblogging the game…expect weird Japanese stuff throughout.
UPDATE: When I said “Mothra (Boston’s answer to the Yankees’ Godzilla; I refuse to call him Dice-K) vs. Ichiro could be the single most important at-bat in the history of Nihon no Yakyuu“, I meant how the Japanese media was going to treat it. It has no bearing on my opinion of either player. And three at-bats in one game, admittedly, isn’t exactly an accurate analog. But 34 AB, 8H, .234 BA is accurate (which is shown near the end of the video).
Also, Kenji Johjima, the only Japanese catcher in the majors and a rising star, also plays for the Mariners. This should make Wednesday night’s game even bigger in Japan.
UPDATE #2 (4/10/07): Mike Plugh of Matsuzaka Watch has an article that describes really well the importance of this matchup in Japan. Trust him, he’s much more of an expert on the subject of Japanese baseball. These two players are truly icons across the Pacific. As if the current hype isn’t enough, Felix Hernandez will be pitching for Seattle on Wednesday.
