Posted by Mike White on March 21, 2008
Just to let you know, I’ll be live-blogging the 7:00 and 9:30 sessions of NCAA Tournament Day 2 action over on Storming the Floor. See you there.
Posted in Tar Heel posts | No Comments »
Posted by Mike White on February 9, 2008
In one of the most shocking twists the college football recruiting world has ever seen, Terrelle Pryor announced, completely out of left field, that he was going to enroll as a two-sport athlete at Duke University.
According to Pryor, this shouldn’t come as a shock at all.
“I chose Duke for many, many reasons”, said the prospect to a stunned audience at his press conference in Jeannette, Pennsylvania. “I have openly said to the media that I would prefer to become a professional basketball player than a professional football player. Duke gives me the opportunity to do that which the other schools I considered simply cannot provide.”
When asked why he did not choose Ohio State (who has enjoyed recent basketball success), Pryor said “First of all, it’s cold up here. I was thinking of going to a big Ten school to be in a major conference and be close to my family. But then I thought, “Can I really stand another winter like this? F–k that s–t.”
“Second, have you met Thad Matta? You think I can put up with 3 years of looking at that guy? I mean, you could land small spacecraft on that beak.”
His reasoning did not end there.
“The Duke football program has a lot of enticing aspects for me”, Pryor said. “One is the hiring of David Cutcliffe. He oversaw the development of both Manning brothers in their college careers, and look at what they’ve accomplished.
“Playing for the Blue Devils also takes the pressure off. If I start right off the bat at QB at Michigan, Ohio State, or Penn State, and they have three 8-4 or 9-3 seasons, I’m considered a huge disappointment. If I have one such year at Duke, I will be a God. I will be known as the man who did the impossible, who did what no one else could in the last 20 years of Duke football. Winning a Big Ten title at Ohio State or Michigan happens every other year. But to lead the Blue Devils to a bowl game…now that says something to Heisman voters and pro scouts.”
The explanation for his choice was a bit outlandish, yet well-reasoned so far. However, his final and most important reason dumbfounded everyone.
“Most of all,” said Pryor, “there was one very important reason why I made this decision. And that was to absolutely piss off every college fan in America.”
“You see, as the unanimous #1 prospect in America, I hold all the cards in the collective emotion of college football fans. Both Michigan and Ohio State have been pulling out all the stops to prevent the other from signing me. Simply signing for a different team would have maddened millions of fans around the midwest. But was I satisfied with that? Oh, no. If I was, I would have inked my LOI with Penn State. No, to anger them further, and begin to cause unrest for all who keep track of recruiting, I had to delay my decision past signing day.”
“And then there’s my basketball considerations. If I choose a basketball school, my decision must enrage people who have never kept track of recruiting before. I had to accomplish two things to send an entire nation to the door of their athletic directors, pitchforks and torches in tow. First, I had to choose a football program that was so lowly that every fan, no matter what school, would jump out of their chairs and say “dammit. If Duke had a chance with this guy, my coach damn sure should have had him on speed dial!” Second, my basketball choice had to be a team that everyone loves to hate.”
“Weighing in all of those factors, there was only one choice that would succeed in enraging every collegiate fan in America. I had to go to Duke.”
No one had any explanation for Pryor’s behavior. Some had begun to suspect the influence of his summer as a part-time clerk at the Jeannette, Pa. branch of Popcopy. When why he wanted to anger so many sports fans, he responded “Why? ‘Cause f–k ‘em, that’s why!”
Terrelle than left the press conference, got into his Corvette, and floored it for New Jersey’s southern enclave.
Posted in ACC, AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, College Football, Duke, Mel Kiper Has No Idea What's Going On, Recruiting, Tar Heel posts, Terrelle Pryor, nutshots, this isn't real | 5 Comments »
Posted by Mike White on January 31, 2008
Posted in Tar Heel posts | No Comments »
Posted by Mike White on October 11, 2007
If you’re like me, you turn into ESPN’s Thursday night football broadcast not for the football, but for the greatest 90 seconds on television: Lou Holtz’s weekly hypothetical pep talk for another squad. And if you’re a college student, a drinking game for such an event is long overdue.
Consider your problem solved. I have created a game suitable to get you more wasted than you have ever gotten yourself in less than five minutes.* Here’s how it will work:
-Take 1 sip (half-shot if you’re using liquor) if:
-Take 2 sips (1 full shot) if:
-Take 3 sips if:
-Take 4 sips if:
-Take 5 sips if:
-Chug the whole pitcher down (drink the whole bottle of liquor) if:
Last player to not pass out, not puke or the most sober guy after 2 hours wins.
So there you have it, way to make you Pep talk experience even more awesome. Did I leave something out? If so, let me know in the comments.
*At least, that’s how I think it will go down. I don’t drink, so it’s an educated guess. Results vary based on alcohol threshold. Also keep in mind that I am not trying to endorse binge drinking. But if you’re going to binge drink, there may as well be an objective to it.
Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EARS!, AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Am I going to hell for this?, College Football, Drink! Drink! Drink!, Lou Holtz, Patriotism at its finest, Pep Talk, Tar Heel posts, YAW YAW YAW CAWLEDGE FOOBAW! | 10 Comments »
Posted by Mike White on September 3, 2007
Seriously, do we still need to call it the Bowden Bowl?
Anyway, both of these teams come into the season with high expectations. Florida State hasn’t been up to snuff since the ACC realignment, but they always have high expectations. With Chuck Amato returning to the coaching staff and a new offensive coordinator in Jimbo Fisher, those expectations may be realized again in 2007.
Clemson is almost as certain that they can take the Atlantic division this year. CJ Spiller and James Davis are one of the best running back tandems in America.
It’s the first ACC game of year, and the first big-time conference matchup of 2007. NOW the season really begins.
8:05 pm: Death Valley is absolutely rocking tonight.
8:11 pm: Drew Weather ford give the Seminoles a little momentum to start the game with a 20 yard run. The momentum is immediately killed when Antone Smith gets tackled 5 yards behind the line. Great play by Ricky Sapp for Clemson there.
8:12 pm: Florida State has to burn a timeout to avoid a delay of game, because no one could hear the call. That’s one of the many ways that the home crowd can come into play.
8:16 pm: After a short pass, Weatherford is sacked on third down, and the Noles have to punt.
8:17 pm: Thanks to that timeout, we’ve already had 3 minutes of ads after only 2 minutes of game have elapsed.
8:18pm: This is some nice trickery by Clemson. QB Cullen Harper lines up at WR, James Davis takes the direct snap, and he fakes the handoff to Spiller before running right up the middle for a first down.
8:21 pm: FSU drops 8 back on defense on third down, and Harper can’t find anyone before running out of bounds behind the line of scrimmage. Clemson is forced to punt, and the ‘Noles get a touchback.
8:24 pm: FSU starts the drive with another 5 yard loss on the ground. Rashad Jackson makes the stop. Florida State’s rushing struggles seem to be continuing early in 2007.
8:27 pm: Weatherford makes a nice throw despite the defensive pressure, but Chris Carr simply drops the catch. He needs to come up with that one, especially on third down. FSU has to punt again.
8:29 pm: It’s good to see Chuck Amato still in coaching. My mom isn’t so sure. She’s said to me many times about Amato: “I don’t trust a man with such a high-pitched voice.”
8:31 pm: Clemson goes 3-and out, again unable to take advantage of good field position. The punt puts FSU back at their own 13.
8:33 pm: Another 3-and-out for the ‘Noles. Clemson’s defense has been tenacious so far tonight.
8:35 pm: Jacoby ford takes the end around, and outruns almost all of the FSU defense, getting a huge run all the way to the 25.
8:37 pm, 6:05 left in the first quarter: TOUCHDOWN CLEMSON! Cullen Harper has to backpedal under pressure, but he manages to roll right and throw a pass to his tight end John Linthecum at the goalline. Clemson takes a 7-0 lead in the first quarter.
8:42 pm (5:45 in 1st): Until that screen pass to Curtis Sims, Florida State only gained 4 yards on 9 plays after Weatherford’s opening run.
8:44 pm (5:05 in 1st): FUMBLE! Preston Parker fumbles on the end-around, and Clemson recovers. The Tigers will have excellent field position.
8:45 pm (4:53 in 1st): TOUCHDOWN! On the very next play from scrimmage, James Davis makes an unbelievable run. He juked at least three tackles, broke another, and ran away from the rest of the defense. Clemson leads 14-0 and have all the momentum now. Orson Swindle must be having a lot of fun rooting against the Seminoles in Death Valley tonight.
8:49 pm (4:30 in 1st): Another huge loss on the ground by Antoine Smith. It’s been a near perfect storm so far: a stifling defensive line and an inexperienced offensive line.
8:51 pm (3:00 in 1st): FSU finally gets a good play, a catch on third down by Carr, and the ‘Noles are called back because they only had five guys at the line of scrimmage. A huge mistake on the part of Florida State.
8:52 pm (2:15 in 1st): FSU has to punt again, and Clemson will get excellent field position again. This game could get ugly.
8:55 pm (1:15 in 1st): Clemson finally gets a 3-and out of their own, although that may have been pass interference on that third down play.
8:59 pm: The first quarter ends, as Clemson leads 14-0. They have dominated every facet of the game, so much so the the entire first 15 minutes were played on the FSU side of the field. The Seminoles will need to drastically change their game plan if they want to shift the momentum and get back in this game.
9:04 pm: Just when it looks like Florida State would have stopped Clemson’s offense again, they get not one but two costly penalties. It gives the Tigers a first down, and perhaps new life on this possession.
9:05 pm, 13:56 left in the 2nd quarter: Tight end Michael Palmer is hurt and has to come out of the game.
9:07 pm (13:25 in 2nd): TOUCHDOWN! Harper fires the WR screen pass to Aaron Kelly, he gets some huge blocks, and he breaks away for the 40+ yard score. Florida State simply can’t keep up right now. Clemson now leads 21-0, and this game already has the makings of a blowout.
9:11 pm (13:17 in 2nd): Florida State return sthe kick to the 31 yard line. They’ll finally get some decent field position.
9:12 pm: Parker makes a decent catch to get past the 40.
9:15 pm (11:20 in 2nd): A disastrous couple of plays to end the drive for the Semi-Noles. First Drew Weatherford gets sacked on a completely broken play. Then Gano’s rugby-style punt fails miserably, again putting Clemson in great field position. Florida State aren’t getting any breaks tonight.
9:19 pm: Harper throws another nice pass, a deep one to Kelly inside the 30. Harper’s done a pretty good job for his first start.
9:20 pm (10:05 in 2nd): Florida State finally gets a break in this game, recovering a C.J. Spiller fumble. The offense must take advantage.
9:22 pm (8:42 in 2nd): Guess what? Another 3-and out. Is this a great Clemson defense, a horrible Florida State offense, or both?
We have an early candidate for Extrapolater’s ACC Porn Name All Stars: FSU wide receiver De’Cody Fagg.
9:27 pm (7:56 in 2nd): Spiller gets a huge run on 3rd and long, and Davis follws with a nice run of his own. Suddenly Clemson is in great field position again.
9:32 pm (6:25 in 2nd): Roger Williams tackles Spiller in the open field, and Clemson will finally be force to punt.
9:33 pm (5:47 in 2nd): BLOCK! Roosevelt Lawson runs right through the middle of the line and blocks the punt. Florida State recovers at the Clemson 20 yard line. Florida State gets a huge break. They absolutely must score.
9:36 pm (4:12 in 2nd): Florida State gets anothe 3-and-out, but at least they’re able to kick the field goal. Clemson still leads, 21-3 as halftime approaches.
9:38 pm (3:59 in 2nd): C.J. Spiller fields the short kick, takes it to the other side of the field, and absolutely burns the coverage team before he’s forced out of bounds at the FSU 30.
9:41 pm (3:39 in 2nd): James Davis gets another nice run to put Clemson in the red zone. He has 8 rushes for 64 yards, 55 of which were after contact.
9:44 pm (1:51 in 2nd): I swear if I have to see Holly Rowe one more time in the first half, I’m going to punch my TV.
A Clemson lineman is down. That’s the second lineman to get injured for the Tigers, and could spell trouble for their offense in the second half.
The injury time may have ginven the Florida State defense time to rest and regroup.
9:48 pm (1:09 in 2nd): Buckholz’s field goal juuust gets between the uprights, and Clemson leads 24-3.
9:52 pm (:36 in 2nd): Another FSU drive, another 3-and-out.
9:54 pm, Halftime: And that’s how the first half ends. Clemson is up 24-3, and have dominated every facet of the game. The offensive line has allowed for big plays, and the defensive line has helped to allow only 40 yards in Florida State’s last 30 plays. The Seminoles must make some serious fundamental changes, especially to their offense, if they will have any hope of coming back in the second half.
10:16 pm: The third quarter has begun, and Clemson gets the ball. For the first time, their field position is not very good. If they still manage to score on this drive, you can call this game over.
A really, really weird mane from a Florida State player: Mister Alexander. Seriously, that’s his full name.
10:19 pm, 13:21 left in the 3rd quarter: Harper makes a nice pass to Linthecum past the 40, and Clemson is driving the ball well again.
Jacoby Ford is leaving the sidelines and headed to the locker room. the way they’re holding his left arm, it doesn’t look good.
10:21 pm (11:42 in 3rd): Neefy Moffett makes the big sack to force a erd and long situation for Clemson. Florida State’s defense has forced too few of these situations.
10:25 pm (11:29 in 3rd): What a play by Cullen Harper! He sees an open lane in the pocket, and he avoids several tackles before finally sliding for the first down. A great effort on his part, but a terrible job of tackling by the Seminoles.
10:26 pm (10:00 in 3rd): Current offensive stats: Clemson has 248 yards of total offense. Florida State has 62 yards, exactly 1/4th of that.
10:27 (9:14 in 3rd): FSU forces a punt at midfield, and will get the ball back at the 20. They need to do with something on this possession. a 3-and-out would effectively end any real chance they have in this game.
10:30 (8:30 in 3rd): Antoine Smith is finally getting some running room, and after two plays Florida State gets their first first down in exactly 36 minutes of play, and their second in the entire game.
10:32 (6:36 in 3rd): After Weatherford is sacked on 2nd down, he makes a great play to buy time in the pocket before hitting a slanting Smith in the middle. He manages to get the first down after the catch, and the Seminoles are finally building offensive momentum and good field position.
10:38 (4:46 in 3rd): Clemson manages to stop the drive and force 4th down. Rather than punt with such good field position, FSU decides to go for it on 4th and 4. The Tigers D-line breaks up the play early, and Weatherford’s deep pass is a bit too high. Clemson takes over on offense.
10:43 (2:11 in 3rd): Clemson is forced to punt. The snap is absolutely terrible goes about 40 yards behind the line of scrimmage. The punter fields the snap at his own 10 yard line, and runs through the back of his own endzone for a safety. While FSU gets two points and trails only 24-5, this was a smart play. If he tried to run it back, it almost certainly would have led to a touchdown. It’s still a 3-score game, and FSU offense doesn’t look like they could score three of anything right now.
10:49 (:46 in 3rd): TOUCHDOWN FLORIDA STATE! Antone Smith gets a huge run up the middle, running 50 yards to the 1 yard line. He finishes the drive off with a dive into the endzone for a touchdown. The Seminoles go for two, but they fail miserably. Still, that was a big touchdown for the Seminoles, who now trail 24-11. With still a full quarter to play, this game may not be over yet.
10:54 (:22 in 3rd): Wow. The Florida State defense has really come alive, putting huge pressur on Cullen Harper and company. The Clemson injuries on offensive line may really be coming back to haunt them.
10:57: The third quarter is over, and Clemson lead is down to 24-11 and are pinned deep into their own territory. More importantly, a new life has been brought into this Florida State team, as well as their fans, who are the loudest they’ve been all night. The momentum has shifted completely, in a matter of only 2 and a half minutes since the bad punt snap.
11:01 (14:07 in 4th): Clemson gets a nice pass, but it only gives them room for the punt. Preston Parker returns the punt to the Clemson 31. Florida State is not far now from a one score game.
11:02 (13:26 in 4th): Those are the kinds of plays that can cost you a game. De’Cody Fagg is wide open, the ball is thrown right at him, he gets his hands on it…and he drops the ball. They cannot afford to make that kind of play.
11:04: The ‘Noles get a decent screen pass off of the blitz, but they’re still 3 yards short of a first down. They have little choice but to go for it inside the Clemson 25. They might not get another scoring chance this good.
11:07 (12: 34 in 4th): First down! Weatherford is flushed out of the pocket, but he mangaes to find Chris Carr on the right side, and he goes out of bounds at the 15.
11:09 (11:41 in 4th): TOUCHDOWN! On third and long, tWeatherford makes a great pass to Richard Goodman in the endzone. Clemson’s lead is now down to 24-18, and there’s still plenty of time left. Can Clemson get it back together and hold on after dominating the first 42 and a half minutes of the game?
11:15 (11:26 in 4th): Another holding penalty against Clemson. They’re digging themselves in a hole right now. The are badly in need of a big offensive play.
11:16 (10:05 in 4th): Aaron Kelly makes a great effort to take the screen pass for twelve yards and close to a first down.
11:18 (9:33 in 4th): Kelly makes another catch, and Clemson finally gets a big first down. If nothing else, is eats clock and give the defense time to regroup.
11:19 (8:43 in 4th): A big defensive lapse by the Seminoles. Clemson gets a third and short, and Florida State jumps too early. And easy first down, and now Clemson is past midfield.
11:21 (8:05 in 4th): Oh god, Not another holding penalty.
No matter what the state of Florida State football is, the Tomahawk chop is always a bit intimidating in person.
11:23 (6:43 in 4th): Kelly makes a big mistake. Harper threw him a beautiful ball, but Kelly couldn’t find it in the air. Clemson punts, and they manage to pin Florida State at their own 4. Florida State has 96 yards to go, and they have a lot less time to do it now.
11:26 (5:29 in the 4th): Clemson’s defense steps up, forcing a 3-and out in one minute. FSU has little choice but to punt, Clemson will get the ball in FSU territory, and now they are back in complete control of this game.
11:31 (4:47 in the 4th): Clemson had to burn a second timeout.
11:32 (3:57 in the 4th): Again Clemson throws on 3rd down, and again the receiver can’t find the ball. FSU goes for the punt block, but Clemson punts for a touchback. The Seminoles now have 80 yards to cover in less than 4 minutes.
11:34 (3:27 in the 4th): Weatherford makes a great pass across the body to Antone Smith, and he manages to break a few tackles before being taken down at midfield.
11:35 (3:00 in the 4th): FSU is already at the Clemson 31.
11:36 (2:32 in the 4th): Florida State is suddenly facing 3rd and 10 after two broken pass plays.
11:37: The defense finally blitzes, and is pays off, as Weatherford is barely able to release the incomplete pass.
11:38: SACK! Phillip Merling brings down Weatherford, and Florida State turns over on downs. The defense really stepped up in those last four plays, preventing Weatherford from getting any good looks whatsoever.
11:39 (1:29 in the 4th): After two run plays, Florida State is forced to take their final timeout.
11:42 (:40 in the 4th): Clemson can’t get the first down, but they ruin the clock down, and FSU will only have about 30 seconds to get a score.
11:43: 29 seconds. 61 yards. This is it.
11:44: Weatherford does the one thing he couldn’t afford to do: he got tackled and fumbled the ball. He spikes the ball, but he only has 6 seconds left.
11:46: Weatherford throws a bullet to Goodman, but is it a catch? He seems to have caught it before a defender knocked the ball out with his helmet.
It’s ruled incomplete! AND THE GAME IS OVER! Clemson hangs on to win, 24-18. Clemson had dominated the first 42 minutes of the game, then nearly gave it away in the next 6 minutes as FSU came within one score. From there, the defense rose to the occasion and hung on for the win. This was a very exciting game and should be huge boost for Clemson this season.
Posted in ACC, Clemson, College Football, Florida State, Live Blog, Tar Heel posts | 2 Comments »
Posted by Mike White on July 21, 2007
For the past year or so, there have been many a debate in my house centered around one question:
Given the exact same scenario, who stands a better chance at surviving? Bear Grylls, host of Man vs. Wild, or Les Stroud, host of Survivorman?
With the new season of Man vs. Wild just ending and the new season of Survivorman about to begin, I have decided to end this argument once and for all by creating a fictional scenario to see: who is the better survivor?
Before I go on, you’re probably asking “Wait a minute…this is a sports blog! What does this have anything to do with sports?” Well, two facts make the Grylls-Stroud survive-off perfectly applicable to to this piece of Internet real estate. First, the subtitle of Digital Headbutt is “A Sports Blog About Stuff…Stuff That Involves Things.” That gives a fairly wide berth of discussion. Second, writer Barnaby Conrad once said, “There are but three true sports–bullfighting, mountain climbing, and motor-racing. The rest are merely games.” (This quote is normally credited to Hemingway, but he never actually said it.) In essence, it’s not a true sport unless there is a very real chance that you could die while participating. Under this precedent, TV survivalism is definitely a sport. This challenge will also be presented in as humorous a way as possible.
On to the competition.
The Players:
Bear Grylls. Host of Man vs. Wild. Former soldier in the British Special Air Services; youngest Briton ever to climb to the summit of Mt. Everest. Seen here inside a glacier in Alaska.
Les Stroud. Host of Survivorman. Survival instructor from Canada, where his backyard is one of the toughest environments on Earth. Seen here here on the second biggest hunk of ice you will ever see in your life, enough ice for every margarita in the course of human civilization.
The Location: So, Bear’s ideal locale is a rough and rocky terrain, whereas, Les is at home in the cold. So, should we hold the Survive-Off to test their weaknesses in a hot, flat area, or or should we test their strengths in a cold, rough terrain? The biggest issue is that we cannot give either of them an advantage by choosing a location with which Bear and/or Les are familiar. This eliminates the following locations:
This pretty much leaves us with Asia. There are plenty of harsh environments from which to choose: The Arabian Desert, the Himalayas, Siberia, the Gobi Desert, and even the Central Asian Steppes. However, for this challenge I have chosen one of the most remote areas in the developed world:
Hokkaido, Japan. An island the size of South Carolina and north of Japan’s main island of Honshu, it’s one of the most most remote areas in the developed world. more than half of Hokkaido’s population of 5 million live in the area around Sapporo, in the southwest peninsula of the island. The rest is absolute wilderness. Hokkaido has several active volcanoes within its cold, wet, and rocky forests.
The Challenge: Both Grylls and Stroud will begin from the same place, either in the north or east part of the island, and will be put at least 25 miles from shore. They must camp together for at least three days. Each player will have their own cameraman do document everything; however, they cannot interfere even if a player faces death. Hey, you got yourselves into this mess when you decided to have a survival show on the Discovery Channel; you should be able to get yourselves out! Both players will camp with each other for at least three days before going their separate ways.
You may not know much about Hokkaido, but it has one of the world’s highest concentration of bears. The volcanoes could be helpful, but both players would be doomed if one of the volcanoes erupted near them.
Just because you find civilization in Hokkaido doesn’t mean safety. Any western-looking residents are Russian spies who still believe that the Cold War is alive and kicking, and they may very well kill to keep their secret. Any Japanese looking residents are either various Anime villains or Japanese hillbillies. The only true safety is the Southwest end of the island.
Both players will choose exactly three things to bring with them, along with the clothes on their backs. Bear will have his usual knife, bottle, and flint, while Les will brings a multitool, water bottle, and the world’s most underrated survival tool: the harmonica! Because nothing says “In your face, nature” quite like an annoying musical instrument.
The Objective: First man to arrive in Sapporo alive wins. It could be in five days, it could be in five weeks, but the first man to arrive in Sapporo alive will win.
The Prize: The title of Ultimate Survivor; a 300-foot sculpture of their face on K-2; everyone on planet earth must take his survival tips as gospel from then on.
The Survive-Off will be a mini-series of sorts on Digital Headbutt, so stay tuned in the coming weeks to find out: who is the ultimate survivor?
UPDATE (7/23): I’ve set up a poll on Ballhype, so now you can vote whom you think will win the Survive-Off. If you pick right, you will win…the knowledge that you guessed correctly.
Go out and Vote for your ultimate survivor!
UPDATE #2: According to the Times of London, Bear may not be roughing it as much as we thought. Still, we are going to hold the Survive-off with the Bear whom we know, the one prepared to sleep inside a rotting deer carcass in the Scottish Highlands.
FINAL UPDATE: The Survive-Off has begun. Read day one and day two.
Posted in AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!, Bear Grylls, Great Moments in Stupidity, Les Stroud, Stuff That Involves Things, Tar Heel posts, The Survive-Off, This is why the Internet was invented, what is this hyperbole of which you speak? | 186 Comments »
