You Must be This Tall To Ride The Coaching Carousel: FCS (Division I-AA)

Welcome to Digital Headbutt’s 4-part-its-way-too-early-to-think-about-college-football-again series, You Must be This Tall to Ride the Coaching Carousel.

After the 2007 season, a total of 18 Division I FBS head coaching vacancies opened and closed. We can expect just as many, if not more, next season. Of those 18 vacancies, 9 were filled by coaches who had never led an FBS program before. Usually, these newbies come from one of four sources: the FCS, FBS assistants, NFL assistants, and (somewhat) unsuccessful NFL head coaches trying their luck the next level down. We will briefly summarize each sector, and look at the next possible hires. In essence, we look at who is currently waiting in line to ride the coaching carousel.

Let’s start with a survey of FCS head coaches who could have FBS jobs next year.

Advantages of an FCS Hire: Proven Winner as Head Coach of a Division I Program, albeit on a smaller scale. Much less expensive than wooing an FBS head coach, NFL assistant, or high profile coordinator. Can introduce a system that FBS opponents have never seen before.

Disadvantages of an FCS Hire: Much smaller scale; may not be prepared for the environment at a big-time football program, either in terms of athletics or academics. Coaching techniques may not translate to FBS. May be more difficult to earn the respect of his team.

Recent FCS Hires: Jim Harbaugh (San Diego to Stanford), David Bailiff (Texas State to Rice), Jerry Kill (Southern Illinois to Northern Illinois), Paul Wulff (Eastern Washington to Washington State).. In addition, big schools tend to hire them as assistants (such as Tennessee hiring Richmond’s Dave Clawson).

Leading by Example: Jim Tressel (from Youngstown State), Paul Johnson (from Georgia Southern).

Cautionary Tales: Joe Glenn (from Montana), Kirk Ferentz (from Maine).

On to the candidates…

Candidate #1: Bobby Hauck, Montana.

Credentials: Holds a 52-14 record as head coach of the Montana Grizzles, and has made the 1-AA/FCS playoffs every year of his tenure. He hasn’t lost a game in the Big Sky Conference since 2005. Hauck has held a number of assistant jobs in the FBS prior to becoming Montana’s head coach. He was a positional defensive and special teams coach at Colorado and Washington, and a graduate assistant at UCLA.

There were rumors surrounding him for quite a few job openings in 2007. He chose to sign a one year extension with Montana instead of the 3-year deal the Grizzlies wanted. That can mean only one thing: he’s expecting a call from an FBS program.

Lastly, look at this picture and tell me he isn’t gonna get you to run through a wall.

What needs to be addressed: How much of his head coaching success can be attributed to him, and how much can be attributed to Joe Glenn, his predecessor? How do we know that he isn’t going to just flip somebody off on the sidelines? And can he explain how he plowed through your 2007 regular season schedule and then bowed out in the first round of the FCS playoffs…at home? Granted, it was against Southern Conference co-champion Wofford, who beat 3-time champ Appalachian State earlier in the year. But still…

Where he might land: Washington, Utah State, Wyoming, Arizona, UNLV.

Candidate #2: K.C. Keeler, Delaware.

Credentials: Took over the Blue Hens program after the legendary Tubby Raymond retired. He immediately substituted the Delaware Wing T, an offensive staple for middle school teams everywhere, in favor of a modified West Coast offense. In 2003, he provided the Blue Hens what Raymond could not: their first National Championship. The Blue Hens also made the finals this year before losing to App. State. When the Michigan coaching search got really desperate, his name was thrown about.

What needs to be addressed: Like Hauck, he needs to prove how much of his success is his own and not Tubby Raymond’s. His change in the offense helps that perception.

Where he might land: Syracuse, Marshall, Pitt, Kent State.

Candidate #3: Jon Heacock, Youngstown State.

Credentials: 43-27 record in seven seasons as Penguins head coach. Defensive coordinator for Tressel’s YSU teams in the 90s. His brother, Jim, is the current Buckeyes assistant coach.

What needs to be addressed: Does continuing what Tressel started at the FCS level really require much input?

Where he might land: Kent State, Pitt, UL-Lafayette, Louisville.

Candidate #4: Mark Farley, Northern Iowa.

Credentials: 63-25 in seven seasons as UNI head coach. Spent four years and a linebackers coach at Kansas (1997-2000). Has made the FCS playoffs in four of his seven years, including one semifinals and one finals appearance. Arguably the best head coach in the state of Iowa right now.

What needs to be addressed: Like the other teams with coaches on this list, the Panthers enjoyed great success under Terry Allen in the early and mid-1990s. Unlike the other coaches, Farley had to return this team to prominence after the somewhat failed tenure of Mike Dunbar.

Where he might land: Iowa, Iowa State, Minnesota, Toledo.

Candidate #5: Mike Ayers, Wofford.

Credentials: Turned previously unheralded programs at East Tennessee State (now w/o football) and Wofford (with less than 1,500 undergrads) into FCS powers. Very successful at doing more with less, even when compared to other FCS programs. Among the coaches in the powerful Southern Conference, Ayers seems to be the most qualified (barring App State’s Jerry Moore, who almost certainly isn’t going to move from Boone at his age).

What needs to be addressed: Would BCS conference programs be scared off because of his age (59)? Probably. Combine that with most BCS programs being a bit skittish about hiring for head coaches from the FCS in the first place, and it might kill any chances he has at a major program. However, his accomplishments at Wofford may be difficult to ignore.

Where he might land: Marshall, Louisiana Tech, Florida International, Memphis. Perhaps he could bring a program to the big time…like Howard Schnellenberger has with just about every college team he’s coached.

Joe Paterno Announces Successful Recruitment of Richard Pryor

 

 

The Penn State coach eagerly awaits Pryor’s letter of intent.
State College Police said they may intervene if Pryor attempts to come. Said the police chief, “One flesh-eating zombie running around town is bad enough.”

Terrelle Pryor Commits to Duke

In one of the most shocking twists the college football recruiting world has ever seen, Terrelle Pryor announced, completely out of left field, that he was going to enroll as a two-sport athlete at Duke University.

According to Pryor, this shouldn’t come as a shock at all.

“I chose Duke for many, many reasons”, said the prospect to a stunned audience at his press conference in Jeannette, Pennsylvania. “I have openly said to the media that I would prefer to become a professional basketball player than a professional football player. Duke gives me the opportunity to do that which the other schools I considered simply cannot provide.”

When asked why he did not choose Ohio State (who has enjoyed recent basketball success), Pryor said “First of all, it’s cold up here. I was thinking of going to a big Ten school to be in a major conference and be close to my family. But then I thought, “Can I really stand another winter like this? F–k that s–t.”

“Second, have you met Thad Matta? You think I can put up with 3 years of looking at that guy? I mean, you could land small spacecraft on that beak.”

His reasoning did not end there.

“The Duke football program has a lot of enticing aspects for me”, Pryor said. “One is the hiring of David Cutcliffe. He oversaw the development of both Manning brothers in their college careers, and look at what they’ve accomplished.

“Playing for the Blue Devils also takes the pressure off. If I start right off the bat at QB at Michigan, Ohio State, or Penn State, and they have three 8-4 or 9-3 seasons, I’m considered a huge disappointment. If I have one such year at Duke, I will be a God. I will be known as the man who did the impossible, who did what no one else could in the last 20 years of Duke football. Winning a Big Ten title at Ohio State or Michigan happens every other year. But to lead the Blue Devils to a bowl game…now that says something to Heisman voters and pro scouts.”

The explanation for his choice was a bit outlandish, yet well-reasoned so far. However, his final and most important reason dumbfounded everyone.

“Most of all,” said Pryor, “there was one very important reason why I made this decision. And that was to absolutely piss off every college fan in America.”

“You see, as the unanimous #1 prospect in America, I hold all the cards in the collective emotion of college football fans. Both Michigan and Ohio State have been pulling out all the stops to prevent the other from signing me. Simply signing for a different team would have maddened millions of fans around the midwest. But was I satisfied with that? Oh, no. If I was, I would have inked my LOI with Penn State. No, to anger them further, and begin to cause unrest for all who keep track of recruiting, I had to delay my decision past signing day.”

“And then there’s my basketball considerations. If I choose a basketball school, my decision must enrage people who have never kept track of recruiting before. I had to accomplish two things to send an entire nation to the door of their athletic directors, pitchforks and torches in tow. First, I had to choose a football program that was so lowly that every fan, no matter what school, would jump out of their chairs and say “dammit. If Duke had a chance with this guy, my coach damn sure should have had him on speed dial!” Second, my basketball choice had to be a team that everyone loves to hate.”

“Weighing in all of those factors, there was only one choice that would succeed in enraging every collegiate fan in America. I had to go to Duke.”

No one had any explanation for Pryor’s behavior. Some had begun to suspect the influence of his summer as a part-time clerk at the Jeannette, Pa. branch of Popcopy. When why he wanted to anger so many sports fans, he responded “Why? ‘Cause f–k ‘em, that’s why!”

Terrelle than left the press conference, got into his Corvette, and floored it for New Jersey’s southern enclave.

Pep Talk Alcohol Poisoning Watch: Week 10

After creating the Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game a few weeks ago, the time has come do discover: how drunk would you have been had you actually played the game? Let’s find out.

 

Up next: his pep talk for Navy.

We immediately see the loose tie and addressing the audience “men”, as always, and the pep talk is for Navy, a mid-major (non ND independent) team who just gave up 59 points in a loss…to 1-AA Delaware. From what I can tell, I definitely see a left side sweep play on the bottom right corner of the white board. I can already tell that two of the three receivers aren’t in position to block, and the play would take too long to develop. one + one + two + three + five = twelve sips.

“Without people like me, there would have been no upper half of the class. My teacher once said ‘You know a lot of people don’t know what’s goin’g on. But Lou Holtz, you don’t even suspect that anything’s going on.’” Not only is this a weird anecdote that probably paints a gloomy picture of your life, but the irony regarding Lou Holtz’s (and really, ESPN’s) cultural awareness is almost overwhelming The irony alone is worth five sips. The quote, when tallied altogether, is two + three + five = ten sips.

What happens for the next minute is Pep Talk gold: a long anecdote about life, death, and backing away from promises, all for the sake of competition, and somehow bringing that all back to football with a hasty segue: “He swam back a mile and a half because he did not swim a mile. Men, we’ve lost to Notre Dame 43 times because we didn’t believe we could beat ‘em once.”  It’s these kinds of anecdotes, that take up 75% of the time and only in the end let you know it has to do with your class, that make you smack your forehead in frustration. They’re also the oments that make a particular teacher memorable. It’s not enough to make you drink the whole bottle, though. Five sips. 

“Later on in life, you’re gonna say ‘I learned a valuable lesson and it wasn’t in the classroom. It was in the locker room, just prior to breaking that losing streak against Notre Dame. Let’s go!” If that isn’t hyperbole, nothing is. two + one = three sips. 

So, not including lisps (which can choose to count or not), you would have been required to drink 30 big sips of beer or 15 shots of liquor had you been playing the Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game for Week 10.  In addition you would have been required to drink whatever remained of 1 gallon of beer or the bottle of liquor on Saturday, after Navy’s triple overtime victory over the Irish. In which case, it’s a miracle that you’re able to read this.

Lou’s Pep Talk Alcohol Poisoning Watch: Week 9

By now, most of you have become familiar with Lou Holtz’s Pep Talk and the drinking game I chose to attach to it. (We have a few new elements to the game-check it out.) However, are you wondering how drunk you would have been if you had tried to play it? Let’s find out.

You don’t even want to KNOW what the Pringles are for.

First up: His second pep talk for Nebraska.

Fan IQ thinks the pep talk was a disaster, but the weirdness is something worth cherishing. But on to the tally.

Right off the bat, I see his loose tie, the talk is for a once-proud program who lost to Oklahoma State in Week 8, and I recognize a left side off-tackle run play to the left of his head. That’s one + one +two +three = seven sips before he even says anything.

“The time to worry is before you place your bet, and not after they spin the wheel.” That’s fortune cookie material. One sip.

“We solved sexism, racism, we’ll solve problems with Nebraska football if enough people care.” That is the kind of analogy and hyperbole that no one could hope to understand but him. Two + three = five sips.

“I’ll always have a future.” Bill Callahan? Future? HA! Two sips.

“If I didn’t show up, who would miss me and why?” Think about that before the next time your mother-in-law tries to show up. Three sips.

“Let’s go make Texas sorry that we showed up today. Let’s go!” That is one mad septogenarian right there. four + one = five sips.

So not counting the lisps (which, I admit, may be too many to keep track of), if you had played the Drinking game in Week 9, you would have taken 23 gulps of beer or 11.5 shots of liquor during Lou’s Pep Talk for Nebraska. If you add to that the Huskers’ close loss to Texas in that game, the number goes to 27/13.5.

Double Live-Blog: Oregon-Arizona St. 2nd Half/LSU Alabama 4th Quarter

Oregon-ASU updates in regular font; LSU-Bama updates in Italics.

8:16 pm: Alabama is forced to punt, and LSU will get the ball back with a chance to take back the lead.

8:20 pm: Byrd gets another catch deep downfield, and LSU is inside the 40 yard line.

8:23 pm: LSU is forced into a fourth down, but Colt David nails the 49-yard field goal to tie the game, 27-27. LSU was given a potential knockout punch, but they’ve gotten right back up. What a game.

8:28 pm: Parker-Wilson manages to scramble out of the pocket and get a first down on third and 4. What’s worse, Chavis Jackson is called for holding, anther LSU penalty. The Tigers now have 12 penalties against them, costing 111 yards.

8:30 pm: What a catch by Matt Caddell! Parker-Wilson throws a deep pass, and Caddell dive to make the big catch inside the 20.

BUT…the replay booth reverses the call! It’s ruled an incomplete pass. Looking at the replay, it could have gone either way, but its a big blow to the Tide, who now face 3rd and 19.

8:35 pm: Bama goes conservative on 3rd and long, opting for the screen. Dorsey chases Jonathan Lowe down, and the Tide will have to punt.

8:39 pm: After Oregon kick the opening kickoff out of bounds, Arizona is driving the ball efficiently to start the second half.

8:40 pm: LSU is forced into a fourth and inches. You know exactly what Les Miles is going to do next–give it to He…whaaa?? LSU is called for a false start, and now they must punt. In addition, the Tigers are called for a personal foul.

8:43 pm: TOUCHDOWN! Javier Arenas takes the punt, and he finds a huge seam up the middle of the field, going practically untouched into the endzone on the punt return. Alabama takes a 34-27 lead off of yet another big mistake by LSU. You know what? I’m now rooting for chaos. MAO!

8:46 pm: Arizona State kicks a field goal. Oregon’s lead has shrunk to 21-16…but they’re in position to score after a the ensuing kickoff brings the Ducks near midfield.

8:48 pm: Richard Hickson is open in the middle again, but he drops the ball this time, Second down for LSU.

8:49 pm: Arizona State takes over from their own 6 yard line, from what I think is an Oregon punt. I’ve been engrossed in the other game, so I honestly don’t know.

8:51 pm: LSU is forced into a 3-and-out, giving their opponent good field position…

8:52 pm:…and so is Arizona State.

8:54 pm: TOUCHDOWN! What a run by Johnathan Stewart! He broke through an arm tackle, and he outran everybody before busting through one more tackle for the end zone. Oregon takes a 28-16 lead.

8:55 pm: LSU will get at least one more chance, with the ball and less than five minutes left.

8:57 pm: LSU is driving the ball to midfield, thanks to two big catches by Brandon Lafell.

8:58 pm: Early Doucet gets a good pass from Flynn, but the defensive back strips the ball out for an incompletion.

8:59 pm: On 3rd and 5, Flynn finds a receiver on a quick slant for a first down.

9:00 pm: Chris McGaha has had a big game tonight. He catches another big pass, this time down the middle, and Arizona State is driving again.

9:02 pm: TOUCHDOWN! Early Doucet makes the catch on 4th and 4, and he shake off the entire Alabama secondary to waltz into the end zone. The game is now tied , 34-34, with 2:49 left. How amazing is this?

9:04 pm: Oregon gets the ball back, but…on third down, a receiver drops the ball again. That’s his third dropped pass today, and the Ducks must punt.

9:06 pm: John Parker Wilson is sacked for the 6th time. The Tide now face 3rd and long.

9:07 pm: FUMBLE! LSU runs the all-out blitz, Wilson fumbles the ball, it rolls down inside the 5 yard line, and LSU recovers. What a turn of events. Mr. Wilson, you must secure that football. Don’t hold it so far from your body when being tackled.

9:12 pm: TOUCHDOWN! Jacob Hester dives into the endzone for the score. LSU now takes a 41-34 lead with less than 90 seconds left. Truly insane.

9:15 pm: The insanity continues…Wilson barely escapes the pocket, but he then gets a huge run to bring the Tide to midfield. 1:11 left.

9:16 pm: Jonathan Xenon comes thisclose to ending the game with an interception, but after another incomplete pass, Alabama face 4th down anyway.

9:19 pm: Keith Brown gets his hands on it…but Steltz jars the ball out! It’s an incomplete pass, and LSU escapes again!

Let me say this about the LSU win: In this stretch of four games, the Tigers have had every reason to lose each of their last four games, but no one told them that, they stood up to theses challenges, and they came back from three of these games to steal a win–and make no mistake, they have stolen these games against Florida, Auburn, and Alabama–and they now have a pretty clear road to Atlanta. LSU wins, 41-34.

Now..we can finally return to Oregon-ASU.

9:24 pm: Oregon scores again to end the third quarter. As we enter the fourth quarter of play, Oregon has taken a 35-16 lead. The Ducks have shut down the Arizona State offense in the second half.

9:27 pm: Arizona State, desperately in need of a score, goes three and out again. Oregon is taking control of this game.

9:33 pm: A potentially game changing series of events: Dennis Dixon is injured, and has been (at least temporarily) taken out of the game.

9:36 pm: Brady Leaf comes into the game, and he promptly goes three and out.

9:37 pm: Arizona State pinned back near their own endzone, but Michael Jones makes a huge catch 30 yards downfield. Arizona State is now in the hurry-up offense, with ten minutes left and in need of three touchdowns.

9:39 pm: Oregon is called, rightfully, for defensive holding, and the Sun Devils have a first down in Oregon territory.

9:42 pm: After three incompletions, Arizona State goes for it on fourth and 10…and Mcgaha gets big catch and an even bigger run afterwards to get a first down insode the 20.

9:43 pm: INTERCEPTION! On the very next play, a miscommunication leads to Carpenter throwing the ball into a crowd of 3 Oregon players. A receiver must have completely missed his route.

One of the things I don’t understand: both teams have excellent, speedy running backs, but both teams seem to have abandoned the run.

9:45 pm: Brady Leaf is still in the game, but now he’s handing it off to Johnathan Stewart, as the Ducks are trying to waste some clock.

9:49 pm: UPSET WATCH: Florida State 7, Boston College 0, Halftime.

9:53 pm: On the first play for Arizona State’s drive, Michael Jones catches another deep pass, and he runs to the 11 yard line. Another insane catch by Jones.

9:54 pm: TOUCHDOWN! Carpenter finds his tight end in the end zone. Rudy Carpenter now has 334 yards passing. Oregon leads, 35-23 after ASU takes the extra point, instead of the two point conversion that would have reduced the deficit to a TD, two pointer, and field goal.

9:56 pm: 5:10 remaining. Brady Leaf is still in the game.

9:59 pm: Oregon throws three passes, but two incompletions force a punt for Oregon. What was Mike Bellotti thinking? Oregon needed to eat up clock.

10:01 pm: What is possibly the most insane play of the game. Rudy Carpenter throws a deep pass under pressure, throws into triple coverage, and his tight end makes a spectacular leap for the catch, runs after the catch, but then fumbles as he’s brought down inside the Oregon 30, and the Ducks recover. That almost certainly seals the game for Oregon.

10:08 pm: The Ducks have managed to run the clock down to 21 seconds, ending any hope ASU had in this game.

10:10 pm: The game fittingly ends with a sack, as Oregon wins, 35-23. With this win, Oregon controls their Pac-10 destiny, moves to at least #4 in the nation, and ends Arizona State’s title hopes (barring, of course, an even more insane final month to the season. A good game, but the LSU game stole the show in another great day of college football.