Digital Headbutt

A sports blog about stuff…stuff that involves things.

Dr. Lou Drinking Game

Posted by Mike on September 19, 2008

In an earlier post the weirdness of Dr. Lou: in essence, it is the pep talk without any illusions of football-related advice. Last year I created a drinking game to accomplish the Lou Holtz Pep Talk. In order to bring you the latest in ethanol poisoning creativity, I have devised a drinking game to accompany the insanity of Dr. Lou.

Take ONE drink:

  • When the you hear the “Dr. Lou” song.
  • If Rece Davis makes an uncomfortable segue into or out of the segment.
  • If Dr. Lou makes a joke related to his “credentials”.
  • If a quarterback of a high-profile team calls in.
  • If a coach of a high-profile team calls in.
  • If Dr. Lou uses a folksy metaphor.
  • For hyperbole.

Take TWO drinks:

  • If Mark May makes a snide remark about Dr. Lou’s advice.
  • If Dr. Lou’s answer has nothing to do with the question.
  • If a caller asks a question that has nothing to do with the game of football.
  • If Notre Dame is mentioned in any capacity.
  • If you understand less that 60% of a given sentence.
  • If Dr. Lou uses a folksy metaphor that you remember from one of last year’s Pep Talks.

Take THREE drinks:

  • If Dr. Lou describes a creative way to rid the world of Mark May.
  • If Dr. Lou uses a really abrupt or non-existent segue.
  • If Dr. Lou predicts a Notre Dame victory.
  • If some non-football celebrity calls in.
  • If in your haze, you begin to confuse Lou for Droopy.
  • If you understand less than 40% of a given sentence.
  • If Dr. Lou uses magic.
  • If Dr. Lou uses a metaphor, folksy or otherwise, that you don’t understand.

CHUG:

  • If Chris Fowler, Lee Corso, Kirk Herbstreit, and/or Desmond Howard calls in.
  • If Charlie Weis or Jimmy Clausen calls in.
  • If Dr. Lou dances.
  • If Dr. Lou wishes bodily harm upon you, the viewer.
  • If in your haze, you begin to confuse Lou for a 45 year old woman.
  • If Dr. Lou uses a smaller TV personality to make him look tall (e.g. Ryan Seacrest or Mike Tirico).
  • If You understand 100% of the entire segment.
  • If Dr. Lou gives you advice that you can actually use.
  • If a coach, such as Bill Stewart, calls in because they legitimately need advice.

Are you clear with the rules? Okay. Now let’s try it out. REMEMBER: If using hard liquor, divide everything by two. With this rulebook, it’s probably best to stick to beer.

By my count:

1. One drink for the opening sequence

2. One drink for his doctor credentials

3. One drink for Tim Tebow = 3

4. Two drinks for “eyes” metaphor, which was used last year. = 5

5. Three drinks for “significant” metaphor (???) = 8

6. Two drinks for “you’re a special friend” = 10

7. One drink for Lloyd Carr = 11

8. Two drinks for golf question = 13

9. Three drinks for awkward segue = 16

10. Two drinks for answer that has nothing to do with the question = 18

11. Two drinks for “four things” metaphor = 20

12. Two drinks for “mother in law” metaphor = 22

So, for the first Dr. Lou segment, the total comes to 22 drinks, and if you can still read this, congratulations.

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7 Responses to “Dr. Lou Drinking Game”

  1. [...] if he openly pulls for a team he used to coach. The Dr. Lou Drinking Game. You wanted it, even if you didn’t know you needed [...]

  2. [...] It really was only a matter of time: the Dr. Lou Drinking Game [Digital Headbutt] [...]

  3. [...] Dr. Lou Drinking Game | Digital Headbutt As if watching any segment involving Lou Holtz wasn’t already fun enough, now you can do it while drunk, which makes everything more interesting. [...]

  4. [...] p­ulls for a­ t­ea­m­ he used­ t­o coa­ch. T­he­ Dr. Lo­u Dri­n­ki­n­g Ga­me­. Yo­u­ w­an­te­d it, e­ve­n­ if yo­u­ [...]

  5. [...] of drinking games, how about one that you do when Dr. Lou [...]

  6. Jeff said

    Three points for “four things” – used last year!

  7. [...] Digital Headbutt Blog: In an earlier post the weirdness of Dr. Lou: in essence, it is the pep talk without any illusions [...]

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