Digital Headbutt

A sports blog about stuff…stuff that involves things.

The Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game

Posted by Mike on October 11, 2007

If you’re like me, you turn into ESPN’s Thursday night football broadcast not for the football, but for the greatest 90 seconds on television: Lou Holtz’s weekly hypothetical pep talk for another squad. And if you’re a college student, a drinking game for such an event is long overdue.

saturday-lou-fever.jpg

Consider your problem solved. I have created a game suitable to get you more wasted than you have ever gotten yourself in less than five minutes.* Here’s how it will work:

-Take 1 sip (half-shot if you’re using liquor) if:

  • Lou directs his talk toward a powerhouse program
  • He lisps at least twice in a sentence
  • Whenever he says “men”
  • Whenever he says “let’s go”
  • His tie is especially loose
  • NEW! He says something that you would expect to find in a fortune cookie

-Take 2 sips (1 full shot) if:

  • He makes an obscure analogy that only he understands
  • He directs his talk to a team that lost the previous week
  • He lisps at least three times in one sentence
  • He uses any prop other than an empty envelope
  • NEW! He commits a random act of hyperbole

-Take 3 sips if:

  • He directs his talk to a mid-major or Notre Dame
  • He lisps every word (and I mean every word) in a sentence at least twice
  • He paints a gloomy picture of your future as a human being
  • NEW! He asks you to ask yourself an important question
  • You recognize a play that he drew on the whiteboard

-Take 4 sips if:

  • His team loses in a close game
  • He uses a special article of clothing during the speech
  • His true inner rage is revealed at any point

angry-lou.jpg

  • Mark May or Rece Davis makes a sarcastic comment about the pep talk or one of the teams in question
  • NEW! He unwittingly makes an obscene hand gesture

-Take 5 sips if:

  • His team loses by at least 17 points or against the spread, whichever is larger
  • He makes at least three obscure analogies (NEW! Or one really, really big one)
  • You realize that said play on whiteboard would never work in real life

-Chug the whole pitcher down (drink the whole bottle of liquor) if:

  • His team wins
  • He performs a magic trick
  • He dances at any point during the speech
  • You’re ready to run through a wall afterwards

Last player to not pass out, not puke or the most sober guy after 2 hours wins.

So there you have it, way to make you Pep talk experience even more awesome. Did I leave something out? If so, let me know in the comments.
*At least, that’s how I think it will go down. I don’t drink, so it’s an educated guess. Results vary based on alcohol threshold. Also keep in mind that I am not trying to endorse binge drinking. But if you’re going to binge drink, there may as well be an objective to it.

31 Responses to “The Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game”

  1. [...] This had to exist: the Lou Holtz pep-talk drinking game. [Digital Headbutt] [...]

  2. superawesomevillains said

    Well done. I’d say that you should add finishing your beer every time he mentions Notre Dame in a non-Notre Dame game, but then you’d get too drunk to finish the pep talk.

  3. [...] The Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game If you’re like me, you turn into ESPN’s Thursday night football broadcast not for the football, but for the […] [...]

  4. ssreporters said

    In other news: This drinking game has killed 26 people.

  5. SanityAtLast said

    At last a commentary on the low point in the history of ESPN, the Lou Holtz simulated pep talk. It is enough to drive anyone to drink as he drones on with his voluminous cliche’s. You should also add another shot every time he mentions the University of Auburn (more correctly known as Auburn University). It makes us all long for the return for Beano Cook, the other incessant Notre Dame apologist. ESPN, please stop the INSANITY!

  6. [...] I was hoping somebody with enough free time on their hands would come up with a “Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking Game.” [Digital Headbutt] [...]

  7. [...] Florida 41, Ohio State 14, BCS National Championship GameDouble Live Blog: LSU vs. Alabama, 1st HalfThe Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking GameGrylls vs. Stroud: The Survive-Off, Day One2007 NFL All-Undrafted Team: [...]

  8. [...] dude has come up with the perfect solution for Lou Holtz’s annoying Pep Talks on ESPN…a drinking game! With weekly breakdowns of the Pep Talks of the amount of alcohol you would consume should you [...]

  9. [...] The Survive-OffUEFA Champions League Final Preview…From A Man Who Knows Nothing About SoccerThe Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking GameUNC vs. Duke Live Blog: Gerald Henderson Has The Evil ElbowCrikey!: Florida 41, Ohio State 14, BCS [...]

  10. needsomefinetuneing said

    Should have ben called “DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY”
    (The LOU HOLTZ Pep Talk Drinking Game), the game as listed is very funny , not pratical as a drinking game ,it would require a beer bong and an M.I.T grad to figure the number of shots and take them in the 90 second talk.
    proposed new rule > if lou dosent mention NOTRE DAME > drink bottle/pitcher

  11. [...] Where He Is Now: spouting authentic frontier gibberish for the ESPN family of networks.  Does a largely incomprehensible “Pep Talk” segment for their Thursday night college football broadcast that has become the stuff of intarweb legend.  It even has its own drinking game. [...]

  12. Matt said

    And… I’m hammered.

  13. [...] Wimbledon “Preview”UEFA Champions League Final Preview…From A Man Who Knows Nothing About SoccerThe Lou Holtz Pep Talk Drinking GameBear Grylls vs. Les Stroud: The Survive-OffLou’s Pep Talk Alcohol Poisoning Watch: Week 9#2 [...]

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